There is no doubt that a weekend getaway can provide excitement and adventure and intimacy for a relationship. I noticed, especially with children in the house, when my partner and I took a short trip together, we returned home feeling reconnected, reinvigorated, and happy. As the dude in the relationship, I have always felt it was my job to look down the road, anticipate when my relationship could use a little excitement and then plan a trip that my partner and I would deem unforgettable. Planning a trip is not enough. There are certain things you can do when on the road to add that oomph that transforms a mere weekend away to something very special and wonderful and memorable.
Recently I spent a weekend in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia and it was unforgettable. My partner and I had a glorious time. Here are some things I learned, which you can incorporate into your next weekend. These items are not listed in any particular order, and are presented cafeteria style. If you can work all of them into your next adventure, fantastic. If only a few apply, they will still add to the scintillating nature of a sensual get away.
Make it a four-day weekend.
In my experience, two days is great, but four days is even better. By leaving on a Thursday night, and returning on a Tuesday morning, you are giving you and your partner four full days to wake up and go to sleep in a new area. There is also something wonderful about waking up on Monday and seeing many other travelers heading home, and knowing you still have one more full day to enjoy your trip. I realize it may be difficult to get the time off from work, but believe me, it is so worth it. The positive benefits on your relationship will be profound and life lasting.
Go someplace you have never been before.
It is easy and convenient to have your favorite “go to” place. It is comfortable. When you go someplace unknown, both you and your partner are in a constant state of not knowing, and everything is new. There is nothing like the first time of anything. It is exciting. In men’s work, we talk about the paradigm of living at our edge, in that place of not knowing but still willing to go for it. It adds a very attractive energy to everyday life. Visiting a new location, not knowing where to go nor where to eat, nor where to explore, it puts you both at your edge. This adds to the excitement. It also adds to a sense of partnership and togetherness as you and your travel companion figure things out as a couple.
Go someplace where the locals speak a different language.
Having just returned from Kuala Lumpur, I experienced this first hand. Most people there do not speak English. This forced me and my partner to communicate with our bodies, our facial expressions, and by doing quite a bit of pointing. Being in a place where English is not the native language is another way to gently coax you out of your comfort zone just a bit, all of which adds to the excitement level and the unique and one of a kind feeling of being a foreigner in a foreign land.
Have sex in the morning.
Do it. Many couples get into a rhythm of sex at night before going to sleep. Try to mix things up. Take showers, brush your teeth, and have a wonderful romp in your hotel room. Most hotels have very soft sheets and comforter and pillows. They are a perfect launch pad for erotic play. Sex in the morning gets the day off to a glorious start. It makes the day special. It is something you will always remember as a delightful part of your weekend getaway.
Eat great food.
Eating delicious food is a very reasonably priced way to experience the delicacies of your destination. In Kuala Lumpur, we at hot pot, a variety of local fruits, exquisite sushi, delectable steamed fish, and local beef soup. Each meal was an adventure in itself. If you are not sure where to go, check out the Internet. All cities have food critics who post their favorite restaurants, the best restaurants on a budget, the best food carts, as well as a top of the line, don’t miss this place, list of eateries. There are also several apps for that. Even on a budget, you can eat well, and have stories to share.
Get massages.
Life is too short not to get massages. We all work hard. Perhaps you are a man who does physical labor. I know that sitting for eight hours per day focused and typing on my Macbook Pro makes my neck sore. I recommend you make it a priority to get a massage. You can get a simple foot massage, a full body oil massage, a neck and back massage, a Thai massage (a body massage without oil) or a reflexology massage (focus on your feet). If you do not normally get a massage at home, this will make your weekend getaway even more memorable. And even if you do get a regular massage at home, it is still ever so decadent to take an hour or two and allow yourself to be pampered. Your body will thank you for it. And so will your partner.
Walk everywhere and utilize public transportation.
It is easy to jump into a taxi and get driven around. Is sitting in traffic really what you want to be doing? Walk. Get lost. Experience your destination the way the locals experience their home. While in Kuala Lumpur, I made a half-mile trek each day to the local health club. On my way to the club, I passed local vendors and best of all, I was able to look eye to eye at the other temporary visitors passing my way. I also saw some of the poverty that exists which was both humbling and left me filled with gratitude. I would not have experienced any of this had I had not walked. If you are bored, take a walk, get lost, and keep going until something interesting happens. And something interesting always happens! Also, especially as you get outside of the United States, the public transportation services are phenomenal. I took a train to and from the airport in Kuala Lumpur. What a joy! I could sit, look out the window, play on my cell phone (the train has free wifi), and people watch to my heart’s content. One extra benefit to public transportation is you can feel good that you are contributing to a cleaner environment.
Get a room with a view.
I have found that when I have a room with a view, my days start off with a certain sense of wonder. I enjoy my morning coffee. Perhaps you drink tea, or water. Waking up, opening the blinds, and drinking your favorite beverage with your partner looking out at your new destination, it is a wonderful way to start your daily adventures.
Take pictures and videos of your journey.
I don’t recommend you use your smart phones for much else. Watching your partner checking out her Facebook page is not too enlivening. However, the action of taking pictures and videos does do a few things. First. It is fun. You smile. You ham it up for the camera. You talk and express yourself. Your partner will appreciate your open hearted sharing. Second, you are creating a digital memory of your amazing journey. There will be a point when you will look back, and watch a video, and remember little details you may have forgotten, and it will make you smile. I just looked back at a video taken during my visit to hot pot restaurant. My partner took a video of me adding meats and vegetables to the bubbling hot soup. She added some music to the video with an app and now I have a perfect memory of my joy sitting at the table creating a sumptuous feast in a very unique way.
Do something unusual.
When I was in Kuala Lumpur, at two in the afternoon, I walked to a local outdoor restaurant. Next to the eatery was a tiny older woman who took dough, dropped it in boiling oil, and served up fresh doughnuts. The texture was like an American doughnut, but the taste was not as sweet. It was absolutely delightful, especially with a cold iced coffee. Another thing we did was to go out late at night. Normally I am in bed by 11 PM. In Kuala Lumpur in the Changkat area, the place doesn’t get going on a Friday night until 12 midnight. We sat at our street side table at two in the morning, drinking mojitos, and watching all the people come and go. We laughed, we shared stories, and we had a blast. Do the unexpected and you will be surprised at how much you will enjoy doing something different.
There you have it. Get out of the house. Get out of the country. Travel the world. Make your life the exciting adventure it is. Use some of these tips and before you know it, while you are on the airplane heading home, you will already be planning your next adventure. Life is short. Live it with no regrets. We men are often looked to for the direction in our relationships. Do it the right way. She will love you for it. Surprise her and surprise yourself. Create it big and bold. Going out and making a weekend getaway unforgettable is a great way to spice up your relationship and keep you and your partner smiling from ear to ear.
“There is a loneliness in this world so great that you can see it in the slow movement of the hands of a clock” ―Charles Bukowski
I hear quite a bit of advice. Some people have an Aha moment, and feel compelled to share it in the form of words of encouragement. One bit that is shared often is this: Love Yourself. While this is no doubt well intentioned, it actually makes someone who has this challenge feel worse for they don’t know how to accomplish the task, which in turn creates more self-loathing. “Why can’t I love myself more!” You might as well tell a blind man that he should go look at a Van Gogh painting. I look at this image and am filled with awe, beauty, and the touch of God. I can even share my rapturous feelings with a man who can not see, but it does not do him much good. I can only imagine the feelings of frustration, regret and downright anger that arise. It does not work.
“With love you don’t bargain. There, the choice is not yours. Love is a mirror, it reflects only your essence, if you have the courage to look in its face. ”
– Rumi
Love is the law. Love is the truth. Love can be as harsh as it can be beautiful. Therefore, it takes courage to look at your essence, for you, at your core, are love. It takes courage to begin the process of knowing yourself. It is easy to look and see all the good stuff. The trick is to look at the dark stuff, come to terms with it, appreciate it, and rather than pretend it does not exist, integrate it into your being. I have discovered that I am competitive. I relish the thought of winning and another losing. I have rage and anger and impatience that live within me. I have the capacity to kill. These are just some of the components of my dark side. It is my journey to discover these aspects of myself and come to a place of acceptance. In order to truly experience authentic love of any kind, this has to happen. Otherwise my love is a partial love, a pretend love , the kind of love bandied about in silly love songs. It wears off and does not stand the test of time. Since our love is incomplete, we look outside of ourselves for more. And so we have a culture that celebrates finding love in another. We hear expression like “You complete me.” What we thought was love wears off and families are broken into pieces. If only more looked within wherein lies all the answers.
So where do you start? The elixir is in the poison. You dive into the hurt. I have never met a human being that did not have some feelings of self-loathing. Often it is self loathing, like the pain from a persistent pebble in our shoe, that awakens us to action. It’s the discomfort that creates the yearning for something greater. It’s only in the acquisition of self-knowledge that we begin to appreciate the brilliance of our human condition. It’s this appreciation for the universal condition of all beings that begins to look like self-love. But it is not self-love. It is love. As the Bukowski quote indicates, many suffer from loneliness, or a feeling of being uncomfortable in the present moment without the company of another person. However, once one begins to experience love, time spent alone transforms into a panoply of experiences, rich and full of joy and inner contentment.
“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.” ― Pablo Neruda
Love is not something you direct at yourself or at a chosen other. Love is a state of being, a place you come from in every moment of your life. In fact, the idea of loving just yourself or just another, will upon ruthless examination, seem non-sensical. When you arrive in life at where you started in life, love is everywhere, like the constant beat of life in your heart. I love you. This is true. I love me too. You is me. Me is you. If you want to feel the real deal, you have to do the heavy lifting. Invest time into knowing yourself and into understanding who you are through and through. It is as simple as writing your name on a piece of paper, then write “Light Side” on the top left and “Dark Side” on the top right, and begin writing. It’s OK to admit to all aspects of yourself, especially to yourself. You will be surprised at the catharsis that occurs when you undertake this simple little process.
This love, the great love, the golden love, is available right now. It is in the air we all breath. It is in the sunlight that warms your skin. It is in the tone of your friend’s voice. It is in your lover’s breath. You don’t need to look for it, for it can’t be found. Life calls upon each of us to dive deep within our own being, and in so doing, we begin to clean the lens of our perception. The love is here, more love than we can imagine, the kind of love that has obsessed poets like Neruda and Bukowski and Rumi for lifetimes. It is so powerful, and can be so overwhelming, that we often lean back towards what is comfortable, and socially accepted, while the keys to the kingdom of heaven slip out of our hands. Can’t you taste it? Are you ready to undertake the hero’s quest to unearth the grail? Grab my hand and let’s jump into the abyss.
About the Author
Jay Cradeur is an author, blogger, internet marketer, world traveler, and coach. Jay has helped thousands to achieve their dreams of financial independence. As an internet marketing coach with a focus on personal development, Jay may be able to assist you in reaching your goals. You can work with Jay for a 100% refundable fee of $49 by clicking on this link and committing to your future. Work with Coach Jay.
Isn’t it true that we feel the most alive, the most real, the most authentic, when we are going through the most challenging of times? Had a bout with cancer? Experienced the death of a loved one? Job loss? Relationship dissolution? Career change? Financial chaos? Stopping any form of intoxication (drinking, smoking, narcotics, gambling, debting, sexing…)? If you look at this honestly, the times of the greatest challenge, when life hardly seem worth living, when nothing else really matters, when depression may have set in, when staying in bed sounds as attractive as taking a walk along the beach, these are the times when you and I have been the closest to the true nature of our current incarnation. It is undeniable.
The path of adult maturation demands that we think for ourselves. All authority must be assumed within. Outside authority must be systematically challenged, questioned and discarded. I must take full responsibility not only for my current life, but for my past life and the resulting behaviors and thought forms I have acquired. I bring this up because for most of us, we have been lied to from the day we were born. We have been told what to believe, how to live, what to pursue, and what will bring us happiness. How is that working for you? Do you enjoy being a cog in the wheel? Are you starting to ask questions, and are you beginning to figure things out on your own? In order to do that, one must assume full self authority. At some point, giving over your authority to anyone else, or to any group, is anathema to your soul.
Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. – Steve Jobs
So now, as a think for yourself human being, as you read on, ponder on this. Is it not true for you that the times of greatest challenge, pain, and despondency were the most authentic experiences you have had? As I sit with the men in my groups, I can pretty quickly tell who is deep in a challenging life experience. He is not giddy with excitement about a new car. He is not talking about his latest sexual conquest. Nor is he ranting on about his woman and relationship. No, rather he is humbled. He is vulnerable. His heart is flayed wide open. He is authentic. He is seeing the world through new eyes. He is experiencing a death, and in that space, the seeds of a new existence are beginning to spring forth. He knows in that moment, that the car, the sex and the women, all that stuff, is fairly incidental to what really matters here and now. It is more the stuff of dreams. In fact, he is beginning to see that this life is a dream. He is experiencing the seeds of awakening. And for the first time, he may be actually living in the current moment, without regrets for the past and fears for the future.
Why is it that when we feel lonely, despondent, depressed, humbled or vulnerable, we feel life to be the most real and authentic? Why is it that during these specific periods of time, we also feel that life is meaningless? This is very interesting. When we stop listening to the outside authorities telling us what is meaningful, and when we go through some of life’s most challenging moments, we find life to be empty and meaningless. Let me restate that because this is key. To be clear, during our most authentic moments, when we feel perfectly clear and present, life feels empty and meaningless. True? What do you think this means? This is a big question, the answer of which can have huge implications on your life. There is a huge freedom that comes from this seminal realization.
The inner emptiness is the door to God. – Osho
Now, whatever it means to you, this undeniable feeling that life is empty is something most of us do not like. It is scary. It gives one a feeling of being unhinged. It goes against most everything we have been taught. It is new and different, and most of us will do just about anything not to feel it. During our men’s events, we refers to this experience, the little voice of emptiness, as the “little bastard” and we want to keep him little and hidden away, because at first he doesn’t feel good inside us. It feels wrong to be living a life that is empty and meaningless. As Morpheus showed Neo the stark sterile nature of the matrix, Neo uttered “No, It Can’t Be.” Well, apparently it can be and it is. Adults face the music and walk through it. Children intoxicate and avoid. Adults experience the freedom of truth. Children prefer to live in lies.
Think of all the ways we as human intoxicate ourselves, all in an effort to keep the little bastard at bay. The little bastard reminds us that death is coming. No matter how we live this life, no matter how well we love, no matter how much we give, nor how magnificently we live, we are going to exit this place. There is no way around it. This truth lies at the core of every fear we have. That is what the little bastard whispers in our ears. And so, to shut him up, we intoxicate on life. During most of my life I had been living in fear, obsessed with intoxicating and avoiding. I initially felt my little bastard when my first marriage was coming to an end. I felt miserable, depressed, suicidal, and trapped. Life did not feel worth living. What was the point? I had achieved those things on which I had set my sights. I had the good job, the wife, the children, the house, all of the things I thought I had wanted. However, as I came to understand, there is an emptiness in acquisition. And so came the knock knock on the door of my mind. The little bastard was ready to break the door down. I had to get out. I had to jump into the arms of another woman. I had to start smoking. I had to move. I had to get a new job. And with all those distractions, I was able to resume life in my own monochromatic dream for another 10 years. Funny how it all works…simple, yet very clever.
There is an emptiness in acquisition. After you have achieved something profound, or purchased a big ticket item, often the response to yourself is something like, “Is that all there is?” or “Is that it?” or “Hmmm?” There is an emptiness in acquisition. After fantastic sex and a mind-blowing orgasm, it does not take long for the little bastard to whisper in your ear, “That’s it?” Notice how you feel after watching the Super Bowl. Right after the conclusion, there is an immediate let down. “Was that it?” There is a letdown after every intoxication, because life does not match up to our illusory expectations. We strongly desire that life has some meaning, yet the truth of our feelings does not resonate commensurate with our desires. The little bastard speaks the truth. Damned that little bastard!
Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after. – Henry David Thoreau
A glorious and magnificent life is one that is lived in truth. Most run from the truth, preferring to live in a sort of dream state rather than make the dedicated effort to understand this amazing life we are privileged to call home. As we embrace all of life, and not just the “good” stuff, have you noticed how life gets simpler. Fears abate. Synchronicity abounds. Mysteries unfurl. You begin to understand things from a much larger perspective. Everything starts to fit into a paradigm which makes sense of all situations. Unfortunately, you can’t learn this stuff by reading about it. You must live it. You must learn to embrace all of it. You must walk through the fears and expose them for what they are. The payoff off is immediate and substantial. Your energy will rise. You will be humble You will be vulnerable. You will be wildly attractive to both sexes. You will feel and recognize the interconnections of all beings. Life will become magical. And all of this is available, right now, just on the other side of this moment, by simply beginning to look at life honestly and on your own terms. It is your life. The invitation is to live it exceptionally.
About the Author
Jay Cradeur is an author, blogger, internet marketer, world traveler, and coach. Jay has helped thousands to achieve their dreams of financial independence. As an internet marketing coach with a focus on personal development, Jay may be able to assist you in reaching your goals. You can work with Jay for a 100% refundable fee of $49 by clicking on this link and committing to your future. Work with Coach Jay.
Last week, I told my Dad some advice I wish he had given me. I said “Dad, you never told me this… If you chop up jalapeno peppers, be sure to wash your hands before going to the bathroom.” I told him I had a very uncomfortable hour at the It’s A Grind coffee shop while I was pondering this poem. Needless to say, he laughed long and hard. Good to see the old man laugh long and hard. Really good! I am so fortunate to have this time with him.
And so as I looked out the window, drinking my mocha, I thought about relationships in the context of a rainy day.
The Unrelenting Rain
God’s tears of uproarious laughter as
men and women sort out the ancients
A herculean chance at redemption
The sound of rain sets me to trance
No way to avoid the travails if
you should dare tangle with Kali
Or choose easy peace and walk away
Tiny drip drops ease heart’s hurts
Stoic monks chant strong in golden light as
frankincense purifies all of our senses
They sacrifice for something quite profound
Water drops fall into churning ocean waves
Storms clouds always move fast and
it’s happening, slippery and out of control
Embrace the grey insanity or go crazy
Cool air refreshes the hurried harried spirit
Burn the pirate map to buried treasure for
the journey is underway now, and now
She is always out there, and I choose her
Water kissing my face makes me smile
Stand in the rain and get wet, there’s
no surprise and still we’re surprised
What a band of ridiculous brothers
Sorting out that which can’t be
The fire burns a saintly red glow with
your hand in mine, we walk the miles
Knowing you and feeling you like no other
Your delicate dancing rain opens my heart
Its grey outside, moist and intoxicating while
the fireplace inside roars delicious warmth
And so I traipse in for what we unwittingly long
Entwined, cuddled n warm for a wisp of a moment
Jay Cradeur
November 25, 2012
About the Author
Jay Cradeur is an author, blogger, internet marketer, world traveler, and coach. Jay has helped thousands to achieve their dreams of financial independence. As an internet marketing coach with a focus on personal development, Jay may be able to assist you in reaching your goals. You can work with Jay for a 100% refundable fee of $49 by clicking on this link and committing to your future. Work with Coach Jay.
Not too long ago, a woman broke my heart. (I do realize I did it to myself, but let’s not get too bogged down in detail. Bear with me…)
This is not the first time. Far from it. In a long life in which I freely share my love, it is bound to happen from time to time. But this was different. I did not see it coming. If you have ever watched the show Survivor on television, you may have seen the dreaded blindside, where some poor player (aka Sap) thinks everything is fine and dandy, and then WHAM, he is sent home packing. Never saw it coming. Had I seen it coming, it would have been different. But I didn’t see it coming, and for that I am now eternally grateful. I wasn’t so grateful back then when it happened. Oh no! Since it was such a sudden surprise, the sting was ever so potent.
Each time I have felt the despair of the loss of a partner, I go to a place where I find solace. No, it’s not Krispy Kreme! Rather, this is a place of nourishment (definitely not KK), a place of stillness, a place of beauty and grace. It lives in the depth of my soul like a river that is always flowing. Each time I go there, I am reminded that this place is my home. And each time I go there, I keep more and more of it with me.
I recently invited someone to say the words “I love you.” I wonder if folks realize that saying “I love you” is a gift we give to ourselves. It is such a statement of expansion, and inclusion, and magnanimity. I am a fortunate guy for I have loads of people who tell me they love me. My friends and family are the best. But what is even better than hearing it, and feeling it, is telling someone that I love them. There is available, each and every time, an amazing gift in the speaking of those words. It is a release, a freeing up, and a powerful statement of generosity and gratitude. But most hold it back, living as if love is in short supply, so better not let too much of it go. You might run out?
While some live a life designed to protect the proverbial heart, I suggest they are missing out on the real sustenance of our existence. The love of another is not it. The love of a God is not it. It is not even the love of a child. No doubt, these all feel good when they appear, but they are tenuous at best. There lives in the river that is always flowing a love which I am. It is not something I need to protect or defend or hold back. It doesn’t get hurt and it doesn’t run out. It is always pulsing through our veins and imbuing us with every breath. This is a profound paradigm shift, tilting our individual axis to a world of love and generosity, rather that grasp and defend. Try it on for size. You’ll see, the sun suddenly shines through the window much brighter.
The wailing of broken hearts is the doorway to God.
~ Rumi
And so, why not go out into the world and feel the release of letting go? Unclench the tightening fist. Feel what is already there, and has been hiding all along. Go love someone like crazy and see what happens. Don’t let the fear stop you. If your heart gets obliterated from time to time, so much the better. The goal is not to stay intact, but to vaporize and reconstitute and expand. This is the fundamental nature of transformation. Dive deep into the river that is always flowing. A broken heart is one way in. A broken heart is a swan dive into the waters of the divine. Feel that which never disappoints. Feel who you are beneath all the layers of protection and defense mechanisms. There you will find love. There you will find you. There you will dance like a dervish, mindless and free.
************
By Jay Cradeur
November 21, 2012
About the Author
Jay Cradeur is an author, blogger, internet marketer, world traveler, and coach. Jay has helped thousands to achieve their dreams of financial independence. As an internet marketing coach with a focus on personal development, Jay may be able to assist you in reaching your goals. You can work with Jay for a 100% refundable fee of $49 by clicking on this link and committing to your future. Work with Coach Jay.
