I am one of those few people that loves to meditate. It is not a chore for me, not a task I have to cross off my list. I dig it. It takes me to a place I call home.
I have found the feelings of peace and serenity so palpable, I scratched out the following words in an attempt to convey the magic of it all. Hope you enjoy it. Jay
About a month ago, someone asked why me anyone would want to do this type of work: personal, self-development work (like The Bridge or The Grail), and pay over $1,000 to do it, when it would be so much more fun to go to Las Vegas for the weekend.
Here are my thoughts on the subject. I guess I feel there is something infinitely more valuable than a good lay, the thrill of winning at craps, or sleeping on 800 thread count sheets. Seems there are quite a few who would rather go to Vegas, or pursue security in work and money, or just roll over as if nothing is happening. This journey for me is a series of peaks and valleys, and sooner or later, all of our eyes will get scorched by the sun.
I wrote this, and then found some great Osho words to go along with it. May it open some part of you, or close the door even tighter.
Utterances
Ultimate truth is not far away, it is not distant. It is near you, close, closer than you are to yourself, but still you go on missing it, and you have been missing it for millions of lives. This continuous missing has become a habit. Unless this habit is broken, the closest remains the most distant; unless this habit is transcended. Osho
Heed the words of a free man. Do not heed the words of a man who only proclaims he is free.
A fish may proclaim his freedom, until he is elevated out of the bowl, and shown a more expansive view of his world. This is the illusion of freedom. Rarely revealed yet ever so common!
Likewise, a man’s life is spent watching a movie. It seems real enough. Everyone plays their part. Freedom abounds. Eventually, by the grace of God, the man leaves the theater and is exposed to the mid-day sun. Is that air you are breathing?
These words are spoken in the light of day, and they are the musings of a free man.
I have felt exuberant joy and debilitating pain.
I have breathed in heavenly love and endured crushing heartache.
Trust and betrayal, I know them well. They have been my friends, my teachers.
I am ancient as sand, having witnessed the ebb and flow of generations.
At long last, the grime has been wiped off the lenses, and light is shining in.
In truth, I have no choice. The die was cast a long time ago. It is cast for us all.
I choose to accept the reality of my existence and banish all superstition. I look at the social mores of society and marvel at the power of the tribe mentality. No longer will I play by anybody else’s rules. No longer will I pretend I don’t know the rules.
I will outshine all forms of control, all self-appointed authority, and all of Maya’s misdirection.
I am a sovereign being. This is my natural state. Now I remember! Now I remember.
Let freedom ring.
I claim my heart, my soul and spirit as my own. The masculine and the feminine live mysteriously and dynamically within me. Yin and Yang empower and nurture me. I co-exist and demand nothing in return. I appreciate and honor all beings.
Remember, untruth is not such a great hindrance as the belief in the truth. If you believe, you stop seeking; if you believe you have already taken it for granted. It cannot be so. You will have to pass through a mutation; really you will have to die and be born again. Unless the seed that you are dies, the new life cannot sprout out of it. Belief becomes a barrier; it gives you a false assurance that you have known – but that is all you have got. Osho
No longer will I have beliefs, for there is only one truth.
I live by a code which I know to be the Way, based not on stories and myth, but on experience, and divine guidance.
I trust only that which is true. All that is not true, while it has played a vital role in my life, taking me willingly down this road and that path, these lies no longer serve me. They are anathema.
I breathe fire upon non-truth. I am a fire maker, as are you. It is our birthright. It is our magic.
I have lived in delusion, and so, therefore, profoundly appreciate the rich and focused view of truth.
The truth has set me free. “Know thyself” is my mantra. The air I breathe is my reward.
Moment to moment you feel grateful to existence, a gratitude happens to you, and this gratitude I call prayer. It is not a prayer to some god. This gratitude is an inner attitude towards existence which has given you life, love, light; towards this existence which has blessed you in millions and millions of ways, and which goes on showering upon you more and more blessings – but a unity is needed within. Osho
I acknowledge the wisdom that comes from a life boldly lived. I do not own any wisdom, nor am I the creator of it. I have blindly stumbled forward, step by shaky step, to be a clear vessel, a hollow bone for wisdom and singular clarity to manifest.
I live in gratitude. I live knowing that each breath could be my last. Death lives on my shoulder, is my teacher, and guides me in all actions. If today were my last day, I would die in gratitude and serenity.
I acknowledge my ego, my social face, and know it is not the deepest version of me. Yet, it must be.
There is no true version of me, for there is no me. I, as I am arbitrarily called, I am a wisp of wind fleetingly filling this body. I look at you and see myself.
I can no longer see another.
I look at the ocean and sob.
The beauty. The power. The peace.
The knowing. The edge of mystery. The dive into the chasm. Release. Surrender.
I am the ocean, and waves of recognition lap upon my shores. I breathe deeply, and slowly.
My life is a miracle. I embrace simplicity and discipline.
I shall be a pure demonstration of a simple life.
The search is over. All I ever wanted was always right here, deep within. The want is gone.
I choose the sacred. It resonates in my bones. It satisfies.
These are the words of a free man. Hear them or not. The choice, as always, is yours.
The same happens to the sage. When a man becomes enlightened the man has disappeared from him with all the interpretations, judgments. He has become pure, as if he is no more. The mind has been dropped. He is conscious, fully conscious, but with no contents to project. He looks at the world as it is, without any interpretation. And for the first time he comes to know reality. Osho
If fasting is doing its work of liberating our focus from self-preoccupation, this will manifest itself in mercy and compassion toward those around us. We will be moved from within to give what we are receiving from God . . . Our lives will be marked by concrete caring responses for others. Fasting must deal with reality. It does not skirt issues. It is not an interior escape” Thomas Ryan
A month ago, I was feeling all middle aged. I noticed that my ring was feeling a bit tight around my finger. I noticed that some of my pants fit rather tightly around my hips. Hell, one pair of shorts that I wore in the Amazon Rainforest of Peru just last June no longer fit my expanded torso. Old and FAT. That didn’t feel so good. No doubt, all of this noticing sent a bit of a shock wave through my spirit. Alert! Alert! Alert! System Overload. Time to regroup. Bring out the Warrior!
And so, on a wing and a prayer, and just a dash of encouragement from one of my close friends, I embarked on the Arise And Shine 28 day cleanse. All I really heard about the cleanse was that it would be “deep” and I would rid my body of some toxic substances including, but not limited to, mucoid plaque. “Mucoid Plaque, What the hell is that!?” Apparently, as I would learn in great and fascinating detail, our bodies create mucus that lines certain internal organs such as the colon. Mucoid plaque, I was told, is real, and if I did the cleanse, I would expel a good bit of it. Game on.
Jumping headlong into the abyss, I got on line (www.ariseandshine.com), ordered the 28 day cleanse, and set my start date for the following Monday. Little did I know what kind of commitment would be required from the program which I had ordered. No matter, I said I would do it, and given that it was only 28 days, I would will myself through the process if need be. While waiting for the arrival of my brand spanking new cleanse package, I began to plan my days around my two meals, lunch and dinner, and the fruits and vegetables I would be eating exclusive of any other foods for the next 4 weeks. No coffee. No pasta (remarkable, really, how much I missed pasta above all else). No ginger beer. No beer. No ice cream. No chicken, steak, nor pork chops. No nothing, just fruits and vegetables. Punto.
Just four weeks ago today, I began the cleanse, and initiated a ritual that would produce a 30 pound weight loss, 220 to 190. 6:30 AM – Bentonite, Cayenne and Psyllium Husk Shake. 8:00 AM – Handful of Herbs designed to soften the skank toxic substances that lie deep within. Another Shake at 9:30 and 3:30. More Herbs at 11, 2, 5 and 8. For the first couple of weeks, I was able to eat a lunch and dinner. The third week, lunch only. And the fourth and final week, called the Master Phase, no food at all, only herbs and shakes and water. Yummy.
Besides our desire to breath, our desire to eat is the most powerful. It is an amazing and worthwhile process to deny the ego the simple and powerful desire to eat. Breakfast, no coffee. Lunch, no tri tip sandwiches. Dinner, no egg plant and chicken chow mein, no enchilada suiza, no new york steak cooked on my trusty George Forman lean mean fat grilling machine and topped with melting butter (ohh, that is so good!). No Food! I did cheat just a bit during the last food free week. I had one blue berry (approximate eating time, 4 minutes). I ate one slice of medjool date (approximate eating time, 5 minutes). I did eat one small slice of avocado (approximate eating time, 6 minutes). That’s it. That was the height of my cleansing folly.
Have you ever eaten something as if you have never eaten before? This was a lasting gift of the cleanse.
As I said, I lost about a pound a day. But during the last week, I lost pound after pound of mucoid plaque. Here is a link to a site that shows you what mucoid plaque looks like. I caution you, it is not pretty. Click Here for Mucoid Plaque Photos. Suffice it to say, it is some nasty stuff (not shit) that is kind of long and stringy, thick and toxic, and definitely well worth the effort to get it out of my body. I was told that I would want to go through my bowel movements with chop sticks to see what was happening. True to form, I was excruciatingly curious about the chemistry experiment that had become my body. For the entirety of the final week, every bowel movement produced more and more mucoid plaque. It was fascinating and repulsive all at the same time. And it was quite an education for my little one, Paulina, and she is now a bit more cognizant of the effect of foods on her body.
To signify the end of my cleanse, I scheduled a colon irrigation session for Friday of the last week. A young woman had been recommended to me by someone I trust, so I placed the call and set up the appointment. During my first conversation with the colonic irrigation specialist, she informed me that she had done the exact same cleanse some 4 times. Wow I thought, that is one woman who is committed to a clean colon! And she told me that during the last week of her cleanse, she was taking 8 herb capsules at a time. I had been taking 4 at the time. 8! So by the time I went for my colonic cleansing session, I was up to 8. (I am as competitive and committed to a clean colon as any one else…) By the time I began my colonic irrigation session, I was tired, energetically drained, not really hungry but also knowing that my body was feeling deprived of food, and grateful that with my support team, I was able to make it to the end. I was ready for this cleanse to end. But first, the colonic…
If you have never had one, I must say that getting a colonic is quite a unique experience. I can’t state that too strongly. It goes like this. First I am having a nice chat with a beautiful young woman about my intestines, and the next moment I am lying on my side, while having an open ended probe placed gently into my backside. Next thing I know, gallons of warm water are being shot into me, while I relax placidly to the soothing sounds of Sarah McLaughlin. At some point, the pressure feels rather intense, and the water flow is reversed, and the water, and the waste materials, are all sent packing merrily merrily down the stream.
I will admit, there is a child like fascination, as the water and waste are heading south while I am heading north, to take a good look and see just what we have unearthed. I sat and watched as old and ancient pieces of me where flushed away, time after time, deeper and deeper, until it seemed there was nothing left to cleanse. Of course, there must be more, but by the end of the colonic, I felt done, clean, light, and ready to move on after this 4 week ordeal. Mission accomplished, Job well done.
On a scale of 1 – 10, with 10 being well worth my time, this cleanse experience ranks an 11. During the cleanse, I realized how important the food I put into my body really is. I learned that meat and diary don’t really serve me. All of my hay fever symptoms have disappeared. I see other people sneezing, and I know that use to be me. I understand some of the fundamental rules about my temple. Remarkable, given the level of meat and diary and processed foods I have eaten, that so much damage could be undone in 4 short weeks.
I will do more cleanses in the future, for I found the process very lightening. I see big middle aged bellies walking around, and realize most of that is mucoid plaque plugging up the pipes. I have obtained a bit of knowledge about my internal body mechanics simply because I did the cleanse, and let my curiosity lead me to books and conversations which generated unforeseen wisdom. For example, I had heard once that it is best to eat a meal without any beverages. I never knew why. Know I understand that when we eat and put something in our stomach, our body produces enzymes to break down the food to a liquid. As we drink a soda, for example, it simply dilutes the enzymes, making it that much more difficult for our bodies to break down and digest the foods. Interesting isn’t it?
Most importantly, I learned from and see the value in depriving myself of something so primal and vital as food, just to cool the jets of my ego. Jesus and Ghandi both fasted. Must be something to it… Indeed there is. My ego needs a good work out every once in a while. Seems if I can keep it real distracted and real tired, it won’t get me into too much trouble. But it is a real sneaky bastard. Now, if I think I am “cleanse” cool, or I accomplished something unique, or that I am special, or that I know a lot about digestion and mucoid plaque and all that, then the sneaky bastard ego is back in control. So there you have it. I will shut up now and know that I live in a world where everything I have, especially the simple and delicate fruit and vegetable foods we have to eat, and everything I know and everything I learn, and everyone I meet, they are all a beautiful gift, and all I will do is play and be eternally grateful. Ya-man.
Every year, my good friend David mails me his Christmas CD Mix. I am not putting his last name as he like to keep a low profile. This year my mix CD has “Merry Fucking Christmas” handwritten in green sharpie across the bottom. You can’t buy that kind of love. Priceless. It is a great mix with many moments. I always enjoy listening to his annual CD, and to the music selections of others. I wonder what it is about this song, or that song, that touched someone. And there is the order of the songs, the flow of the rhythms, the rising and falling of the intensity, all of which contribute to the hour long experience of sitting with my headphones on and listening, and feeling and being moved. Below I have found some video clips to accompany my list of songs for the 2010 holidays. While the videos aren’t always the exact same version of the songs on the CD, the visual element is powerful. Enjoy the feast.
Here is my mix for the year 2010, called the Outlaw Mix:
1. I Phone 4 Don’t Care – The Bears
I heard about this little cartoon while sitting in the Boston airport and watching CNN in the morning. There is some scatological language, but the message was so funny, I had to include it as I have shown it to so many people.
2. If You Could Read My Mind – Johnny Cash
This year, I have felt a connection to Johnny Cash. I have downloaded all the CDs he made with Rick Rubin before his death. I hear his heart in this song, and wisdom of his years and miles and life experience.
3. Farther Along – Marideth Sisco
I watched a movie this year called Winter Bone. It takes place in the hills among mountain people (hillbillies). Their music is so simple and light. This song comes from the soundtrack to the film. I nice break after Johnny Cash. Sort of like eating ginger between pieces of sushi.
4. Send In The Clowns – Frank Sinatra
Frank. Live. Classic song. I had never heard this version with his intro. When I put together a mix, I have one rule: Only one song per artist. This is my Frank song for you all.
5. The Hands of Angels – Elton John and Leon Russell
New music, a collaboration between Elton John and Leon Russell. Just this last Sunday (12/12/10), the story of this CD was told on CBS Sunday Morning. Elton John was on his annual safari, and he was listing to old Leon Russell music. He called Leon and then together they made the CD called The Union. This particular song, which I had picked out a month ago when I made the mix, is a song Leon Russell wrote for Elton John as a thank you for collaboration, and the reviving of Leon’s career. It brought tears to Elton John’s eyes, and to mine.
6. Nobody’s Fault But Mine – Willie Nelson
How can a combination of a Nina Simone song, covered by Led Zeppelin, and Willie Nelson’s singing go wrong? It can’t ! Best to listen to this on headphones in a dark and quiet room. The mood of the song is impeccable.
And here is Nina Simone’s version…
And here is Led Zeppelin’s version, live from the Knebworth concert in 1979.
7. For The Good Times – Jamey Johnson
I am in the LAX airport reading my favorite magazine, Esquire. Somewhere in there, a critic speaks in glowing terms of Jamey Johnson and his upcoming CD – The Guitar Song. I downloaded all his CDs and started to appreciate his brand of country music. Sharp electric guitar and brutally honest guy lyrics. This song is a cover, but it is so strong, I had to add it over his more abrasive verses.
8. Round Midnight – Thelonius Monk
Monk, Round Midnight. My first of two jazz pieces on the CD. Classic, classic. Wonderful to hear each and every time. Check out the right foot.
9. Flume – Peter Gabriel
Online, looking at a list of top songs of 2010. One of my all time favorite songs is In Your Eyes by Peter Gabriel (which, by the way, is written for Roseanne Arquette). I downloaded this CD and listened to this passionate and poignant song. This lyric is beautiful – “Sky is womb and she’s the moon.” Listen and see if you can figure out what the song is about.
10. Wholy Holy – Marvin Gaye
From one of the top ten albums of all time. Praise, praise, praise.
11. When The Saints Go Marching In – Bruce Springsteen
The Boss and friends doing When the Saint Go Marching In. Live. Another tear jerker for me.
12. Slippin and Sliden – Justin Townes Earle
Son of Steve Earle, Justin Townes Earle is another artist I recently discovered. Once I heard the guitar intro to this song, I knew it was going to make the final cut for this CD. His new CD Harlem River Blues is awesome. This is a live clip from a record store in Nashville. Freaken fantastic.
13. Me and Bobby McGee – Kris Kristofferson
I have heard, as we all have, Janis Joplin’s cover of this classic. Still, when I hear this version, song by the song’s creator, Kris Kristofferson, I am moved. It was actually listening to Kris Kristofferson’s greatest hits that got me into Outlaw Country music. From Kristofferson, I moved to Willie Nelson, and Johnny Cash and on and on. Rich lyrics about life experiences.
14. Femme Fetal – Velvet Underground
Another simply brilliant CD created in the last 50 years. This song sung by Nico. Nice feel.
15. Moon Dreams – Miles Davis
Our second jazz piece. I listen to Miles throughout the day. Each listening I seem to hear a song in a different way. I wish I had met Mr. Miles Davis. This song gently sets the stage for the final set of songs which return to my rock and roll roots. From The Birth of Cool…
16. Tumblin Dice (Live) – Rolling Stones
Rolling Stones singing country rock. Live. The Best.
17. Angel Dance – Robert Plant / Band of Joy
After Raising Sand, Robert Plant put together this new album Band of Joy. Great stuff. Awesome song.
18. Long Road Home – Sheryl Crowe
New Sheryl Crowe. Bringing us home. 100 Miles from Memphis. This clip live from the David Letterman show.
19. Stoney End – Barbra Streisand
Huh? I listened to this song when I was in my early teens. Recently I downloaded some Barbra Streisand, and there it was. I honestly didn’t know it was her song.
20. Tupelo Honey – Van Morrison.
This, in my humble opinion, is one of the best songs ever written and sung. What a superb way to end a listening experience. This is a phenomenal version with an inspired sax accompaniment.
Don’t forget to leave a comment. Express yourself for all to hear. Take a chance.
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This past June, I lost a good friend. While many of my friends are losing their mothers and fathers, we all lost a truly remarkable creative force in Daven Joy. Daven left us in June of this year. As 2010 is coming to an end, I am reminded of the transitory nature of our existence.
Following are some words I wrote for Daven’s final service, as well as a video of Daven speaking about The Bridge experience we shared over a year ago. I trust Daven will be smiling each time someone reads these words.
Safe travels my friend.
Next, Please…
Daven Joy, Our departed, gleaming, prince of darkness, Now.
thankfully, mercifully, basking in the light, a place of ease.
A lounge chair in the sky, beautiful men bring you red wine
the sea at your feet, and not a worry of the world on your mind.
*****
One night, not long ago, Daven spoke his mission to me. he said
Create beauty, and HONOR IT, and share it with the world.
But I tell you now, loud and clear for all to hear
this was not the brother I knew in the last quiet hours
*****
I loved and honored Daven’s darkness, his twisted mystery in body
Courageously, uncontrollably, incessantly seeping and searching
Step by step, propelled by universal forces to explore all of himself
never stopping, unable to refuse his innate natural drive for freedom.
*****
Sloppy, messy, a devilishly blatant ahab, and yet
Warm, thoughtful, beautiful, A majestic messiah,
paradox defined
Why the sudden escape, the big bang… silly question best left alone
All i know is he made a choice, a rational choice in time, the hardest choice
*****
is he gone? or just different? close your eyes. remember his smirk.
feel his mind thinking the unthinkable. see his hands creating magic.
just last night, eating some barbequed ribs, i heared brother daven speak.
“jay, your barbeque is always so perfect, this meat is so good”
of course, this spoken with daven’s characteristic bigger than life zeal.
*****
many are sad today, for we are the remaining members of the tribe. again…
reminded that we are in fact alone, again, alone always, alone forever.
Good bye my comrade, my dark brother, fly splendidly, revel gloriously
explore unflinchingly, live willingly and obey ruthlessly
*****
Brother oh brother, you are truly a bohemain, a renessaince man,
a skallywag, a belligerent, raving mad artist.
you are a fucking meteor, burning bright, that crashed into our lives
now the light is out, and we are left in the dark, pondering quixotic
daven, I will remember you each time I see the stars under the black sky
Your eyes sparkling above and gracing us always with your sacred song.
