An Exceptional Life

An Exceptional Life

Empty bowl

Isn’t it true that we feel the most alive, the most real, the most authentic, when we are going through the most challenging of times?  Had a bout with cancer?  Experienced the death of a loved one?  Job loss?  Relationship dissolution?  Career change?  Financial chaos?  Stopping any form of intoxication (drinking, smoking, narcotics, gambling, debting, sexing…)?  If you look at this honestly, the times of the greatest challenge, when life hardly seem worth living, when nothing else really matters, when depression may have set in, when staying in bed sounds as attractive as taking a walk along the beach, these are the times when you and I have been the closest to the true nature of our current incarnation.  It is undeniable.

The path of adult maturation demands that we think for ourselves.  All authority must be assumed within.  Outside authority must be systematically challenged, questioned and discarded.  I must take full responsibility not only for my current life, but for my past life and the resulting behaviors and thought forms I have acquired.   I bring this up because for most of us, we have been lied to from the day we were born.  We have been told what to believe, how to live, what to pursue, and what will bring us happiness.   How is that working for you?  Do you enjoy being a cog in the wheel?  Are you starting to ask questions, and are you beginning to figure things out on your own?  In order to do that, one must assume full self authority.  At some point, giving over your authority to anyone else, or to any group, is anathema to your soul.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.  Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking.  Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice.  And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.  – Steve Jobs

So now, as a think for yourself human being, as you read on, ponder on this.  Is it not true for you that the times of greatest challenge, pain, and despondency were the most authentic experiences you have had?  As I sit with the men in my groups, I can pretty quickly tell who is deep in a challenging life experience.  He is not giddy with excitement about a new car.  He is not talking about his latest sexual conquest.  Nor is he ranting on about his woman and relationship.  No, rather he is humbled.  He is vulnerable.  His heart is flayed wide open.  He is authentic.  He is seeing the world through new eyes.  He is experiencing a death, and in that space, the seeds of a new existence are beginning to spring forth.  He knows in that moment, that the car, the sex and the women, all that stuff, is fairly incidental to what really matters here and now.  It is more the stuff of dreams.  In fact, he is beginning to see that this life is a dream.  He is experiencing the seeds of awakening.  And for the first time, he may be actually living in the current moment, without regrets for the past and fears for the future.

Why is it that when we feel lonely, despondent,  depressed, humbled or vulnerable, we feel life to be the most real and authentic?  Why is it that during these specific periods of time, we also feel that life is meaningless?  This is very interesting.  When we stop listening to the outside authorities telling us what is meaningful, and when we go through some of life’s most challenging moments, we find life to be empty and meaningless.  Let me restate that because this is key.  To be clear, during our most authentic moments, when we feel perfectly clear and present, life feels empty and meaningless.  True?  What do you think this means?  This is a big question, the answer of which can have huge implications on your life.  There is a huge freedom that comes from this seminal realization.

The inner emptiness is the door to God. – Osho

Now, whatever it means to you, this undeniable feeling that life is empty is something most of us do not like.  It is scary.  It gives one a feeling of being unhinged.   It goes against most everything we have been taught.  It is new and different, and most of us will do just about anything not to feel it.   During our men’s events, we refers to this experience, the little voice of emptiness, as the “little bastard” and we want to keep him little and hidden away, because at first he doesn’t feel good inside us.  It feels wrong to be living a life that is empty and meaningless.  As Morpheus showed Neo the stark sterile nature of the matrix, Neo uttered “No, It Can’t Be.”  Well, apparently it can be and it is.  Adults face the music and walk through it.  Children intoxicate and avoid.  Adults experience the freedom of truth.  Children prefer to live in lies.

Think of all the ways we as human intoxicate ourselves, all in an effort to keep the little bastard at bay.  The little bastard reminds us that death is coming.  No matter how we live this life, no matter how well we love, no matter how much we give, nor how magnificently we live, we are going to exit this place.  There is no way around it.   This truth lies at the core of every fear we have.  That is what the little bastard whispers in our ears.  And so, to shut him up, we intoxicate on life.  During most of my life  I had been living in fear, obsessed with intoxicating and avoiding.  I initially felt my little bastard when my first marriage was coming to an end.  I felt miserable, depressed, suicidal, and trapped.  Life did not feel worth living.  What was the point?  I had achieved those things on which I had set my sights.  I had the good job, the wife, the children, the house, all of the things I thought I had wanted.   However, as I came to understand, there is an emptiness in acquisition.  And so came the knock knock on the door of my mind.  The little bastard was ready to break the door down.  I had to get out.  I had to jump into the arms of another woman.  I had to start smoking.  I had to move.  I had to get a new job.   And with all those distractions, I was able to resume life in my own monochromatic dream for another 10 years.  Funny how it all works…simple, yet very clever.

There is an emptiness in acquisition.   After you have achieved something profound,  or purchased a big ticket item, often the response to yourself is something like, “Is that all there is?” or “Is that it?” or “Hmmm?”   There is an emptiness in acquisition.  After fantastic sex and a mind-blowing orgasm, it does not take long for the little bastard to whisper in your ear, “That’s it?”  Notice how you feel after watching the Super Bowl.  Right after the conclusion, there is an immediate let down.  “Was that it?”  There is a letdown after every intoxication, because life does not match up to our illusory expectations.  We strongly desire that life has some meaning, yet the truth of our feelings does not resonate commensurate with our desires.  The little bastard speaks the truth.  Damned that little bastard!

Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after.  Henry David Thoreau 

A glorious and magnificent life is one that is lived in truth.  Most run from the truth, preferring to live in a sort of dream state rather than make the dedicated effort to understand this amazing life we are privileged to call home.  As we embrace all of life, and not just the “good” stuff, have you noticed how life gets simpler.  Fears abate.  Synchronicity abounds.   Mysteries unfurl.  You begin to understand things from a much larger perspective.  Everything starts to fit into a paradigm which makes sense of all situations.   Unfortunately, you can’t learn this stuff by reading about it.  You must live it.  You must learn to embrace all of it.   You must walk through the fears and expose them for what they are.  The payoff off is immediate and substantial.  Your energy will rise.  You will be humble  You will be vulnerable.  You will be wildly attractive to both sexes.  You will feel and recognize the interconnections of all beings.  Life will become magical.  And all of this is available, right now, just on the other side of this moment,  by simply beginning to look at life honestly and on your own terms.  It is your life.  The invitation is to live it exceptionally.

About the Author

Jay Cradeur Jay Cradeur is an author, blogger, internet marketer, world traveler, and coach. Jay has helped thousands to achieve their dreams of financial independence. As an internet marketing coach with a focus on personal development, Jay may be able to assist you in reaching your goals. You can work with Jay for a 100% refundable fee of $49 by clicking on this link and committing to your future. Work with Coach Jay.

The Unrelenting Rain

The Unrelenting Rain

Last week,  I told my Dad some advice I wish he had given me.  I said “Dad, you never told me this…  If you chop up jalapeno peppers, be sure to wash your hands before going to the bathroom.”  I told him I had a very uncomfortable hour at the It’s A Grind coffee shop while I was pondering this poem.  Needless to say, he laughed long and hard.  Good to see the old man laugh long and hard.  Really good!  I am so fortunate to have this time with him.

And so as I looked out the window, drinking my mocha, I thought about relationships in the context of a rainy day.

 

The Unrelenting Rain

God’s tears of uproarious  laughter as

men and women sort out the ancients

A herculean chance at redemption

The sound of rain sets me to trance

 

No way to avoid the travails if

you should dare tangle with Kali

Or choose easy peace and walk away

Tiny drip drops ease heart’s hurts

 

Stoic monks chant strong in golden light as

frankincense purifies all of our senses

They sacrifice for something quite profound

Water drops fall into churning ocean waves

 

Storms clouds always move fast and

it’s happening, slippery and out of control

Embrace the grey insanity or go crazy

Cool air refreshes the hurried harried spirit

 

Burn the pirate map to buried treasure for

the journey is underway now, and now

She is always out there, and I choose her

Water kissing my face makes me smile

 

Stand in the rain and get wet, there’s

no surprise and still we’re surprised

What a band of ridiculous brothers

Sorting out that which can’t be

 

The fire burns a saintly red glow with

your hand in mine, we walk the miles

Knowing you and feeling you like no other

Your delicate dancing rain opens my heart

 

Its grey outside, moist and intoxicating while

the fireplace inside roars delicious warmth

And so I traipse in for what we unwittingly long

Entwined, cuddled n warm for a wisp of a moment

 

Jay Cradeur

November 25, 2012

About the Author

Jay Cradeur Jay Cradeur is an author, blogger, internet marketer, world traveler, and coach. Jay has helped thousands to achieve their dreams of financial independence. As an internet marketing coach with a focus on personal development, Jay may be able to assist you in reaching your goals. You can work with Jay for a 100% refundable fee of $49 by clicking on this link and committing to your future. Work with Coach Jay.

The Unrelenting Rain

The River That Is Always Flowing.

Some words about love…..

The River That Is Always Flowing.

Not too long ago, a woman broke my heart. (I do realize I did it to myself, but let’s not get too bogged down in detail. Bear with me…)

This is not the first time. Far from it. In a long life in which I freely share my love, it is bound to happen from time to time. But this was different. I did not see it coming. If you have ever watched the show Survivor on television, you may have seen the dreaded blindside, where some poor player (aka Sap) thinks everything is fine and dandy, and then WHAM, he is sent home packing. Never saw it coming. Had I seen it coming, it would have been different. But I didn’t see it coming, and for that I am now eternally grateful. I wasn’t so grateful back then when it happened. Oh no! Since it was such a sudden surprise, the sting was ever so potent.

Each time I have felt the despair of the loss of a partner, I go to a place where I find solace. No, it’s not Krispy Kreme! Rather, this is a place of nourishment (definitely not KK), a place of stillness, a place of beauty and grace. It lives in the depth of my soul like a river that is always flowing. Each time I go there, I am reminded that this place is my home. And each time I go there, I keep more and more of it with me.

I recently invited someone to say the words “I love you.” I wonder if folks realize that saying “I love you” is a gift we give to ourselves. It is such a statement of expansion, and inclusion, and magnanimity. I am a fortunate guy for I have loads of people who tell me they love me. My friends and family are the best. But what is even better than hearing it, and feeling it, is telling someone that I love them. There is available, each and every time, an amazing gift in the speaking of those words. It is a release, a freeing up, and a powerful statement of generosity and gratitude. But most hold it back, living as if love is in short supply, so better not let too much of it go. You might run out?

While some live a life designed to protect the proverbial heart, I suggest they are missing out on the real sustenance of our existence. The love of another is not it. The love of a God is not it. It is not even the love of a child. No doubt, these all feel good when they appear, but they are tenuous at best. There lives in the river that is always flowing a love which I am. It is not something I need to protect or defend or hold back. It doesn’t get hurt and it doesn’t run out. It is always pulsing through our veins and imbuing us with every breath. This is a profound paradigm shift, tilting our individual axis to a world of love and generosity, rather that grasp and defend. Try it on for size. You’ll see, the sun suddenly shines through the window much brighter.

The wailing of broken hearts is the doorway to God.

~ Rumi

 

And so, why not go out into the world and feel the release of letting go? Unclench the tightening fist. Feel what is already there, and has been hiding all along. Go love someone like crazy and see what happens. Don’t let the fear stop you. If your heart gets obliterated from time to time, so much the better. The goal is not to stay intact, but to vaporize and reconstitute and expand. This is the fundamental nature of transformation. Dive deep into the river that is always flowing. A broken heart is one way in. A broken heart is a swan dive into the waters of the divine. Feel that which never disappoints. Feel who you are beneath all the layers of protection and defense mechanisms. There you will find love. There you will find you. There you will dance like a dervish, mindless and free.

************

By Jay Cradeur
November 21, 2012

About the Author

Jay Cradeur Jay Cradeur is an author, blogger, internet marketer, world traveler, and coach. Jay has helped thousands to achieve their dreams of financial independence. As an internet marketing coach with a focus on personal development, Jay may be able to assist you in reaching your goals. You can work with Jay for a 100% refundable fee of $49 by clicking on this link and committing to your future. Work with Coach Jay.

On Truth

On Truth

I wrote this about a week ago. I had been struck by how often my thoughts go to the question, What is true?

On Truth

Truth
Unstoppable
Unwavering
A freight train coming headlong
Grizzly cuts
Hard punch to the gut
A brutal beheading
God himself will be bludgeoned

You and me is the lie

Unmistakable
Obsessive
Ruthless
Truth waits for no one
Release the grasping fist
Acceptance is the ground to walk
Surrender is the road less traveled
Vulnerability carries the day

What is true?

Insanity
Darkness
Panic
Untruths are the shackles
Dread is the invitation
Blackness is the keyhole
Dive deep into the underworld
Give up the ghost

You are me is the truth

Unclench
Breathe
Relax
A swaddled newborn
Sun shines through the window
Freedom bellows from the heavens
Beauty burns the virgin eyes
At last, truth, bloody well-earned truth.

************

Jay Cradeur
November 18, 2012

About the Author

Jay Cradeur Jay Cradeur is an author, blogger, internet marketer, world traveler, and coach. Jay has helped thousands to achieve their dreams of financial independence. As an internet marketing coach with a focus on personal development, Jay may be able to assist you in reaching your goals. You can work with Jay for a 100% refundable fee of $49 by clicking on this link and committing to your future. Work with Coach Jay.

God Bless The Soldiers.

God Bless The Soldiers.

Happy Veterans Day 2012.

I have never been in combat, but I do know fear and vulnerability. I tried to capture what it might be like to serve, to make the ultimate sacrifice, and to be remembered.

God Bless The Soldiers!!!

Got Your Back.

The enemy is all around
Terror lives in my soul
All I have is my bud Jack
Jack’s here, he’s got my back.

The hot bullets explode by
Hissing and whizzing loud
Stay low and shoot away
Jack and I could die today

I am so damned scared
If just one hits the mark
Spewing out blood and foam
I’m off to my heavenly home

We give all to the cause
Life and limb at greatest peril
This may be my last breath
On my shoulder is cold death

He’s Jack, he’s got my back
We share a bond soldered strong
An alchemy of courage and faith
Two young grunts here in the eighth

Remember me. Private Nathan West.
I took one hot n fierce to the neck
The ultimate sacrifice, me to you
I’m someone till now you never knew

Jack he felt me slump down
Saw the blood erupt crimson
I told him then and there
God I love her, it’s not fair

She’ll forget me and move on
My kids will adjust, I hope so
Never smell their fresh bathed head
Never feel her tender touch in bed

Enjoy your freedom burning bright
Drink you mocha
Kiss your kids good night
Because of soldiers, it’s all right

Remember me and Jack
And all the others who protect
Don’t take us for granted, No!
Celebrate us strong, forever so.

We had your back, me and Jack
So toast us proud on Veterans Day.
I am looking down at you now
You wipe the sweat from my brow

By Jay Cradeur

About the Author

Jay Cradeur Jay Cradeur is an author, blogger, internet marketer, world traveler, and coach. Jay has helped thousands to achieve their dreams of financial independence. As an internet marketing coach with a focus on personal development, Jay may be able to assist you in reaching your goals. You can work with Jay for a 100% refundable fee of $49 by clicking on this link and committing to your future. Work with Coach Jay.