Author Jay Cradeur shares why our culture still breeds female objectification and mysogyny. Look in the mirror.
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I recently saw this image online. Big tits and how powered guns. The breakfast of champions! Is it just me that finds this somewhat disturbing that all of this voluptuousness is at young boy’s and young girl’s eye level in a convenience store? Can’t we do better? I now wonder how many times I passed such a display as a young boy, and what impact did all those viewings have on me? How could I not see women as an object for my pleasure? Let the mysogyny begin. Before we harangue the storeowner, we had better take a good hard look in the mirror. If adult men didn’t buy these magazines, the storeowner would not put them out for display. It would not make business sense. When I look in the mirror, I have to ask myself, what is lacking in me that I think I can find love with porn and a smoking gun?
Thinking about holding an AK-47 in my hands gives me the opportunity to feel dominant over anyone who walks in my path. Why do I feel the need to dominate? |
Truth be told, I may not find love in those magazines, but I can find sex and power! That is two out of the three three pillars of the masculine holy trinity. Only money is missing. The porn magazine gives me sex (and power over women), and the gun magazine gives me power. As I look at what might be lacking in me, I have to acknowledge I have a dark desire to dominate. Masturbating to a magazine picture gives me the opportunity to dominate over any of the women on the page. Thinking about holding an AK-47 in my hands gives me the opportunity to feel dominant over anyone who walks in my path. Why do I feel the need to dominate?
In my experience of diving deep into my dark side, the core feeling always and absolutely appears as self-loathing. |
As I keep unpeeling the onion I see deeper and deeper levels of my own dark side issues. This is the stuff nary a man wants to admit to and accept as his own. However it is essential to our growth and integration. Let’s continue. Domination unchecked by a healthy conscience leads to tyranny and horror. History bears this out. We must work to tame our inner tyrant. Unless we do, magazines like Club and Penthouse will continue to thrive and send a pernicious message to our youth. Even worse, domestic violence and rape will continue to be a plague on our society. It is time to look deep within each of our souls and ask, Why? Why do I do the things I do? What is driving me? Why would I buy the porn magazine? What gaping hole in my soul does it fill?
In my experience of diving deep into my dark side, the core feeling always and absolutely appears as self-loathing. As Rumi said, the elixir is in the poison. The elixir is self love. Somewhere during my youth, someone told me I was a piece of shit and I believed it. This is true of all the men I have worked with over the past 15 years. We brothers are hard on ourselves! Self love is one of the toughest feelings for a man to breath to life. When I break it down, and understand how the self-loathing came into existence, then I can begin to heal. When I don’t love myself, I find destructive activities to validate my feelings. I do things I don’t want to share with anyone. I hide. I am embarrassed. I play in the dark.
This requires a whole new level of strength and discipline and surrender. I assert vulnerability is the new black. Live uncomfortably at your edge. Do the unthinkable and walk away. |
If I know I will feel shame for my actions, then I am better off walking away. Instead of jerking off to porn, can you and I close our eyes and ask, what is it that I think I am getting out of this? And more importantly, can I get what I am looking for without the porn? Can I feed my soul by being quiet and contemplative and looking deep within my self? This requires an entirely new level of strength and discipline and surrender. This is the path of the good men. This is the path of Osho’s new man. Vulnerability is the new black. Live uncomfortably at your edge. Do the unthinkable and walk away. Say No to the distraction and stay home with yourself. Be vulnerable. Let’s help the storeowner make the right decision by reducing his magazine sales. Let’s protect our youth and break the cycle of female objectification and mysogyny. I hope you accept my invitation next time you want to buy the MILF magazine. I know you can.
The article originally appeared on the Good Men Project Website.
