Author Jay Cradeur shares a few tips on attracting a partner and creating an environment in which they can thrive.

How do you have a person want you? Give them exactly what they most want from you. If you give them what they want, you are a valuable commodity in their life. They will want you back. What are five things that you can courageously give to a lover that they want? I shared this list with my 19-year-old daughter, and she said, “Dad, I can think of 10 more things that I want from a guy!” While that may be true, I present these five as a starting point. This list is based on conversations with many people through the years, and my own experience sharing myself and observing the varying degree of delight I received in return. This article does not address financial security as a core desire. “Do they love me or do they love my money?” That is a big topic for another day. This list reflects more personal interactive qualities. Let’s get to it.

#1 Your Partner Wants Your Depth.

As men, we have been raised from birth to thwart our own feelings. The fact that we have a male body has dictated that we should not feel nor express all our emotions. “ Big boys don’t cry!” “Don’t you cry.” “Be tough Son.” There is no doubt about it, suppressing our emotions, numbing our feelings, keeping things bottled up is part of the masculine path. However, and, this is the most important point. Our journey to courageously explore and feel those feelings in spite of our upbringing, and share those feelings, leads us to an incredible depth of experience.

“I never found a companion that was so companionable as solitude.”

Henry David Thoreau

The best way for a man to begin to feel more, to experience more perception, to increase his awareness, is to slow down. Meditation increased my depth exponentially. Life goes on. We get buried in our jobs, our tasks, our errands, the television, the smart phone, the Internet, and daily dramas. These all serve to overload our senses, numbing us even further. Slow down, move toward stillness, and begin to notice how your feelings and perceptions increase. That is the depth your partner wants to feel from you.

#2 Your Partner Wants Your Vulnerability

Be vulnerable. This is irresistible. When your heart is open, every human being is attracted. It is one of the few sources of real magic we have. I learned this from author Stuart Wilde. He once told me “Once you get your energy right, you will be pulling pubic hairs out of your teeth!” Keep your heart open and trust in life. Those are two tenets that I have strived to uphold, even when it hurts. And it does hurt at times, like a red searing hot poker slowly piercing the membrane of the heart. Stay open, especially when it hurts. It takes strength and your partner digs it.

#3 Your Partner Wants Your Humor

I was in Laos with my friend John. We were looking for some companionship. John is a wizard with conversation and humor. He knows how to work a room. He has a way of talking that makes everyone laugh and they love him for it. He is strong in the humor department. Who doesn’t want to laugh and be happy? Make your partner laugh, and they will keep coming back for more.

#4 Your Partner Wants Your Touch

“Simplicity is the glory of expression.”

Walt Whitman

Me, I am decent with the humor. It is not my strength.  I am no John, but I have my moments. However, I am very good at the touch. I remember walking with a exquisite woman in Saigon, and I stopped her, grabbed her around the waist, and began to dance with her on the sidewalk. It was wonderful. It was unexpected. It was vulnerable. It was a risk. It worked. Try it sometime. Touch is such a gentle way of connecting. It lets your partner know you are present, in their space, happy to be there, and you are wide awake to hear and be with your partner. Touch more often.

#5 Your Partner Wants Your Adoration

Are you willing to tell your partner how amazing they are?  Are you willing to have your partner feel as if they are the only one for you? Men will always get a positive response when you tell your partner “I think you are so beautiful” or “You are really amazing.” If you don’t feel that way, you probably shouldn’t be in pursuit. Go find someone for whom you do feel that way.

“Apart from the known and the unknown, what else is there?”

Harold Pinter

I will be the first to admit that I don’t always understand my partner. If I think I do, I am a fool. Partners are a mystery wrapped in a riddle. I have learned the hard way that I don’t know what I don’t know. Every day, with each experience with a partner, I learn just a little bit more. I feel I am on fairly solid ground with these five items. These items are simple but not necessarily easy. I have seen them work over and over again. If you can think of anything else a partner wants, please share it in the comments below. Have a wonderful day!

The article originally appeared on the Good Men Project Website.