Last Spring, just around the end of March 2013, I started to have this crazy idea. Turns out it was not so crazy. The idea at the time was to move to Playa Del Carmen, Mexico (one hour south of Cancun) for the winter. I had just taken on a new position with Matt Lloyd’s MOBE Coaching team. It soon became clear that as long as I lived in a spot with a decent Internet connection, I could work and live anywhere. “Have MacBook will travel!”
As I look back, this seems like a perfectly logical response to my desire to live in a warm environment, to see the world, and to begin the empty nest phase of my life (my youngest would be going to university in August). In retrospect, this was an absolutely brilliant choice. But it did not turn out exactly as I had anticipated. No…far from it. Actually it was about 10,437 miles far from it. How did this happen?
I was sitting in my Sebastopol CA home one day about a month after my initial idea to venture out into the wild blue. I was sitting on my favorite sofa doing some channel surfing when I stumbled upon an Anthony Bourdain show on CNN. This is a prime example of synchronicity, a sure sign something good and magical is happening. The show started with our inimitable host, bohemian extraordinaire, Mr. Bourdain stating: “I remember the first moment I realized I had been living my life in black and white. It was like discovering a color I never knew had existed before. A whole new crayon box full of colors. That was it for me. From then on there was no putting the pieces back together, no going home. Things were different now. Asia had ruined me from my old life.” That hooked me. The rest of the show reeled me in. Good bye Playa, hello Thailand.
One thing I particularly remember from the TV program was a woman in a cowboy hat who served stewed pork leg over rice. It is moments like this that reinforce my choice to be a carnivore. I have often thought about becoming a vegetarian. I did it for about a year in college. But in the end with all things considered, I love meat. My body seems to crave protein in the form of animal flesh. I’ve read the books and seen the movies about how animals are processed, and while there are compelling arguments, my body works best this way. So…. when I saw this woman, and her pork, that pretty well closed the deal. I would go to Chiang Mai, Thailand, and find that woman and eat that pork. This was my mission.
I found her, I ate the pork, and it was everything I had anticipated. I will write more on this adventure in another blog. The thing I want to conclude with here today is the importance of having a clearly visualized goal. In this case, it was easy. I saw the woman, I saw the pork, I saw everything I needed to see about Thailand, to create a vision of my life, a vision that continued to inform my actions to make this trip happen. I am writing to you from a hotel room in Chiang Mai. Last night, I ate the pork, and I will do it again many times on this trip. I continue to learn that if I can clearly and vividly visualize something, and then take action, what I see in my mind’s eye will become a reality in the physical world. That’s a valuable lesson. We all have this particular type of magic living within us. What do you see for yourself? Think big. You will have more fun that way!
About the Author
Jay Cradeur is an author, blogger, internet marketer, world traveler, and coach. Jay has helped thousands to achieve their dreams of financial independence. As an internet marketing coach with a focus on personal development, Jay may be able to assist you in reaching your goals. You can work with Jay for a 100% refundable fee of $49 by clicking on this link and committing to your future. Work with Coach Jay.
Connection. I have seen this word bandied about here there and everywhere. Connection. It would appear Connection is the new holy grail of daily living. Connecting is now helpful or soothing or necessary for life contentment. Now I won’t begrudge anyone who has found a coping mechanism that is necessary and works. But my experience leads me to call bullshit on the concept of connection.
Connection implies a duality, or a separateness that exists only in the mind. There must be a you, and something outside of you, to which you want to connect. If you feel disconnected, whatever that feels like for you, you are living in the illusion of duality as a reality. When I feel sad, or fearful, or angry, or melancholy, I feel it. I don’t feel disconnected. Disconnected, I suggest, is more psycho babble created to divert us from the real feelings of life, like being sad, fearful, angry or melancholy. I am suggesting there is nothing to fix and no connection to achieve. The surest way to the other side of these feelings is through them. Jumping on a cushion to meditate, or having a drink, or a quick romp, or an Orange Is The New Black binge watching session may alleviate the feelings, but you really haven’t moved your spirit any closer to the realization of your true nature, for which connection has no place.
This is all a symptom of our huge obsession with intoxication on life. Our normal state is deemed not enough, so we create all of these things to do and see and buy and penetrate to keep the truth at bay. Life isn’t all bliss. Life is hard. Life is tension. Sometimes we are too smart for our own good. Instead of feeling our lives, we work ever so hard to change our state, running from fear and pain and suffering, and chasing love and pleasure and bliss. The only problem with this is our lives are now dependent on external circumstances over which we ultimately have no control. Perhaps it is time to go inward
Clearly, this is a first world problem. How wonderful that we don’t really have to worry about having clean water to drink, or having enough food to sustain our bodies, nor a virus like Ebola to contend with. Instead, we can set our sights on realizing god within us and there is no connection necessary. Instead of connecting, what is called for is transcending. So the challenge then becomes, what can we do to achieve this abiding awareness.
“As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.”
Henry David Thoreau
I am suggesting the solution is not getting intoxicated on bliss, or adrenalin, or love, or connection, or any substance. Play it straight. Stop chasing and stop running. Can I just be with whatever is put in my life? There is this pernicious belief that life is always supposed to be blissful. This lie is damaging to your spirit. It creates unrealistic expectations that then leads to addictive behavior. Instead, I suggest establishing a routine. Figure out what is important in your life, schedule out each day of the week, and then do your best to stick to it. You will learn pretty quickly when you get off track, when you find yourself chasing something, or running from something.
My routine right now while I am living in Thailand is this. I awake at 2:30 am. I shower, shave, make the bed, brew the coffee, drink my protein shake, and begin work at 3. I work until 9, then walk down to eat breakfast of iced coffee and fried chicken. At 11:00 I workout by walking 4 miles and then swimming for half an hour. Out in the Andaman Sea, I float for about 10 minutes and meditate. I grab a simple lunch of barbeque chicken and a fruit smoothie. Back home to shower, and then to my favorite coffee shop to write and create on my computer for 2 hours. The rest of my day is rest and dinner and then to bed between 7 and 8. That is my Monday – Friday schedule. My weekend are very open, very fluid, and very rejuvenating. When I find myself veering off this path, I know I am chasing something, or running from something. When I am doing nothing but living my life, magic happens. Worlds open up.
My truth is this. There is nothing and nobody to connect with. God is everywhere, and I am part of everywhere, so I must one with, not one separate from. It is impossible to connect to myself because I am already myself. Again, it is a belief that I am separate from everybody and everything that leads to a desire to connect. It is not real. It is not supportive of you or your awakening to your real life. Instead, you are choosing to live in some sort of fantasyland.
Have you never walked the streets and felt yourself in everybody and everything that you saw. That is true. If you want to feel fear, then feel separate. Instead, play with the concept that you are one and the world is the same one. I understand you may not feel it, but that is how it truly is. The masters have confirmed this. Fake it for a while, and then you will have a moment, a crystalline clear realization that duality is an illusion. It will all make sense. You will most likely weep.
So, connect if you like. Chase after rainbows and unicorns. I am suggesting there is a more disciplined approach to life that will get you where you are going faster. If you like chasing and running, keep on doing it. As a very skilled change state artist myself, I found it all very addictive. The thrill of it, the feelings of accomplishment, the bliss of ignorance, and the adulation of those around me seemed to feed me for quite a significant portion of my life. This path, the path, is none of that. It is quiet, inward, intuitive, reflective, conscious, patient, enduring and real. Is it your path?
Live life. Love life. This is an invitation to try it on for size. Those that came before us, the wisest of men and women, have said that duality is an illusion. We do live in a state of oneness. So why not try it? When you’re with somebody and they say something that that upsets you, realize it is you that is saying something that upset you. You are the one upset. When you are angry with a situation, realize that you’re being angry with yourself. You are the one who is angry. When you see genius in another, look for that same genius within you. These are the kinds of thoughts to run over in your mind. These thoughts, as Thoreau points out, are the kind you might want to dominate you life and create a deep mental path. They say the truth will set you free. Why not go for it all?
About the Author
Jay Cradeur is an author, blogger, internet marketer, world traveler, and coach. Jay has helped thousands to achieve their dreams of financial independence. As an internet marketing coach with a focus on personal development, Jay may be able to assist you in reaching your goals. You can work with Jay for a 100% refundable fee of $49 by clicking on this link and committing to your future. Work with Coach Jay.
This weekend, I spent 2 days with some close friends at Dillon Beach in Northern California. We shared a simple two-story house close to the beach. The food was outstanding, the conversation was inquisitive, and the hot tub was soothing. We took a few walks down to the Pacific Ocean, which always opens up big questions for me as I look out and observe the infinite nature of our world. I began to ask myself this question: Where do I begin?
As I march through this life, and learn bit by fiery bit, to tame my ego, it seems clear that I am not the chattering voice that wants to control everything. I am not the one that demands “Look at me!” Rather I am that inner voice, the observer, the listener, the one that responds rather than reacts. I am the one that I discover each and every day that I meditate. I am the one that can share a moment with another, and not talk, not demand, not need, and feel in-tune and connected.
So I thought. I began to question this belief.
Is that me? Is any of it, me?
Maybe I am giving myself too much credit (something for which my ego is very proficient). Perhaps I am nothing more than a spark of consciousness, as I do have an awareness of this one called Jay. Maybe all that inner voice and observer labeling is nothing more than a different aspect of ego. Perhaps I am nothing but a composite amalgam resulting from the forces that have weighed upon me from the beginning of my earthly existence. Where I live, who I spend my time with, what I spend my time doing, what country I am in, these seem to be the things that have forged me into me. It has been, for the great majority, a choice-less existence. Perhaps I am nothing more than a spirit inside a body suit that has been shaped and tempered by innumerable forces, both gross and subtle.
I believe so.
What I am now seeing clearly is that life has been far more mechanical, and predictable than I had ever imagined. I had a vision of all of us as machines, plodding through life, all doing the same things. This shift in awareness is infinitely freeing. It feels like I am a goldfish that has been pulled out of the water so I can look back and see that I have been in a fish tank all this time, and there is a whole new world to be explored. This new world shows up as an invitation to freely think outside of the box and uninhibitedly create. I can do what I want, and create the type of life I have envisioned, for by understanding this dynamic, I am freed of it.
I began at birth, and from that point, I stopped, and life happened. Now freed of that construct, I can choose to co create a reality based on spirit and flow. This is exciting. This feels fundamental. This shatters the perception of free will. Who among us is really free? This is a complete shift in context that will take some getting used to.
Where do I begin? Perhaps I don’t, or didn’t begin. Something began, but it wasn’t me. Perhaps I am but a channel through which energy flows. Perhaps my roles are to be sensitive to the energy, and flow with it, and not resist it, and breathe. What will a life look like without the fear and struggle? I don’t know, but I am willing to find out.
About the Author
Jay Cradeur is an author, blogger, internet marketer, world traveler, and coach. Jay has helped thousands to achieve their dreams of financial independence. As an internet marketing coach with a focus on personal development, Jay may be able to assist you in reaching your goals. You can work with Jay for a 100% refundable fee of $49 by clicking on this link and committing to your future. Work with Coach Jay.
I was asked recently to write about the path of joy. I said to myself (with a duplicitous smile on my face)…. “The What?”
Oh, yes, of course, joy. Having a good time. Enjoying myself. Bringing a smile to the face of others. Feeling a lightness of being. While this is not my normal operating system, I do know joy. I have experienced its elusive and always glorious nature. Still, joy feels like a foreigner in a foreign land.
Take a deep breath here Mr. Jay. You may actually enjoy this.
If I remember the best sex I ever had, there it is. Joy. Actually, if I remember just about any sex I have had, there it is! If I remember the birth of any of my children, there it is. If I remember how I feel after an initiation ritual, there it is. If I remember how I feel after making a big sale, there it is. If I remember sitting around a campfire with my close friends, there it is. If I remember how I felt when I looked at the scale, and I had achieved my 3-month weight loss goal, there it is again.
Now it is the time for joy in all it’s glory: ongoing, ever lasting, and full on.
I notice that all my joy comes as a result of an experience, or the memory of those experiences. Seems I have never been much of a “smell the roses” kind of guy. Growing up as a male in America, I was taught to have goals, work hard, achieve great things, and then take on the next project. There was never much emphasis (actually none) on joy. And I know I am not alone. Having spent 15 years of my life in transformational weekend events, I can tell you there is not much joy amongst the brothers.
I call in joy. I call in my joy. I am too old to do things I do not want to do. If I want to do something, then I will do it with joy in my heart. I call in joy that is not dependent on a situation, an accomplishment, nor another. I call in joy as my way of being. Today I say to myself: “I am joy!” While this will no doubt make some of my buddies want to vomit, I am too old and too tired to keep pushing a boulder up a hill. Rather, I will follow the boulder down the other side of the hill, and smile all the way to the end.
Taking a stand for joy requires some courage. Dare to be happy. This affirmation will require discipline. This way of being is not for the dramatic, the emotional, nor the weak. It takes some balls to say I choose joy. Try it out and really mean it. Just for today, greet every experience with joy. When your husband or wife or boyfriend or girlfriend does that thing they do that you hate so much, greet it with joy. Transform your experience. When you lose that sale that you were counting on, bring joy rather than disappointment. When the waiter brings you a cold hamburger, can you experience joy rather than anger? When you realize this life, this one glorious life that you have, when you realize it is all going to come to an end, can you still greet each day with joy? Through heartache and betrayal, through hurt and failure, will you chose joy?
There was a time when I thought talk of joy was utter bullshit. I would say to my brothers, life is about challenge, life is about burning, and unearthing those searing bits of my unconscious, and reliving past painful events, so as to become the hollow bone through which spirit may freely flow. I have done all that. It was hard, and at times, brutally painful, and it required a powerful vision to stay the path. Occasional exuberance was a welcome by product of the work. However, as one who has walked the path for three decades, I can now say there could have been more joy. Hell, there could have been a whole bunch more joy. I am not one to lament the past, but there is a truth to be gleaned from my own experiences. I never chose joy in the past. Today I choose joy.
I tell you, I hear you snickering on the sidelines. I know well of your feelings of derision. “Has he lost his mind?”
Yes I have.
It is about time!
About the Author
Jay Cradeur is an author, blogger, internet marketer, world traveler, and coach. Jay has helped thousands to achieve their dreams of financial independence. As an internet marketing coach with a focus on personal development, Jay may be able to assist you in reaching your goals. You can work with Jay for a 100% refundable fee of $49 by clicking on this link and committing to your future. Work with Coach Jay.
It is a challenge to find a man who truly respects the wisdom of women. Most men, mired in the pathology of patriarchy, can’t see clearly through the darkened lens. Until a man surrenders to the power/divine connection/creative force of a woman (any woman, not necessarily his partner) and is humbled by the living goddess within the feminine form, he will hold women as a second class citizen. Social conditioning makes it so.
Women, on the other hand, in order to warrant said respect, must do the heavy lifting to find and nurture the goddess within. European women do this better than our American sisters. Sadly, many women simply do not know of the power they wield. Therefore they invite the patriarchal dismissal, unaware that a man in their life is a choice and not a result of need.
Women living fully within their power are the most beautiful beings in creation. Only a humble man will ever experience the joy of co-creating with the feminine in a true organic partnership.
About the Author
Jay Cradeur is an author, blogger, internet marketer, world traveler, and coach. Jay has helped thousands to achieve their dreams of financial independence. As an internet marketing coach with a focus on personal development, Jay may be able to assist you in reaching your goals. You can work with Jay for a 100% refundable fee of $49 by clicking on this link and committing to your future. Work with Coach Jay.
“There is a loneliness in this world so great that you can see it in the slow movement of the hands of a clock” ―Charles Bukowski
I hear quite a bit of advice. Some people have an Aha moment, and feel compelled to share it in the form of words of encouragement. One bit that is shared often is this: Love Yourself. While this is no doubt well intentioned, it actually makes someone who has this challenge feel worse for they don’t know how to accomplish the task, which in turn creates more self-loathing. “Why can’t I love myself more!” You might as well tell a blind man that he should go look at a Van Gogh painting. I look at this image and am filled with awe, beauty, and the touch of God. I can even share my rapturous feelings with a man who can not see, but it does not do him much good. I can only imagine the feelings of frustration, regret and downright anger that arise. It does not work.
“With love you don’t bargain. There, the choice is not yours. Love is a mirror, it reflects only your essence, if you have the courage to look in its face. ”
– Rumi
Love is the law. Love is the truth. Love can be as harsh as it can be beautiful. Therefore, it takes courage to look at your essence, for you, at your core, are love. It takes courage to begin the process of knowing yourself. It is easy to look and see all the good stuff. The trick is to look at the dark stuff, come to terms with it, appreciate it, and rather than pretend it does not exist, integrate it into your being. I have discovered that I am competitive. I relish the thought of winning and another losing. I have rage and anger and impatience that live within me. I have the capacity to kill. These are just some of the components of my dark side. It is my journey to discover these aspects of myself and come to a place of acceptance. In order to truly experience authentic love of any kind, this has to happen. Otherwise my love is a partial love, a pretend love , the kind of love bandied about in silly love songs. It wears off and does not stand the test of time. Since our love is incomplete, we look outside of ourselves for more. And so we have a culture that celebrates finding love in another. We hear expression like “You complete me.” What we thought was love wears off and families are broken into pieces. If only more looked within wherein lies all the answers.
So where do you start? The elixir is in the poison. You dive into the hurt. I have never met a human being that did not have some feelings of self-loathing. Often it is self loathing, like the pain from a persistent pebble in our shoe, that awakens us to action. It’s the discomfort that creates the yearning for something greater. It’s only in the acquisition of self-knowledge that we begin to appreciate the brilliance of our human condition. It’s this appreciation for the universal condition of all beings that begins to look like self-love. But it is not self-love. It is love. As the Bukowski quote indicates, many suffer from loneliness, or a feeling of being uncomfortable in the present moment without the company of another person. However, once one begins to experience love, time spent alone transforms into a panoply of experiences, rich and full of joy and inner contentment.
“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.” ― Pablo Neruda
Love is not something you direct at yourself or at a chosen other. Love is a state of being, a place you come from in every moment of your life. In fact, the idea of loving just yourself or just another, will upon ruthless examination, seem non-sensical. When you arrive in life at where you started in life, love is everywhere, like the constant beat of life in your heart. I love you. This is true. I love me too. You is me. Me is you. If you want to feel the real deal, you have to do the heavy lifting. Invest time into knowing yourself and into understanding who you are through and through. It is as simple as writing your name on a piece of paper, then write “Light Side” on the top left and “Dark Side” on the top right, and begin writing. It’s OK to admit to all aspects of yourself, especially to yourself. You will be surprised at the catharsis that occurs when you undertake this simple little process.
This love, the great love, the golden love, is available right now. It is in the air we all breath. It is in the sunlight that warms your skin. It is in the tone of your friend’s voice. It is in your lover’s breath. You don’t need to look for it, for it can’t be found. Life calls upon each of us to dive deep within our own being, and in so doing, we begin to clean the lens of our perception. The love is here, more love than we can imagine, the kind of love that has obsessed poets like Neruda and Bukowski and Rumi for lifetimes. It is so powerful, and can be so overwhelming, that we often lean back towards what is comfortable, and socially accepted, while the keys to the kingdom of heaven slip out of our hands. Can’t you taste it? Are you ready to undertake the hero’s quest to unearth the grail? Grab my hand and let’s jump into the abyss.
About the Author
Jay Cradeur is an author, blogger, internet marketer, world traveler, and coach. Jay has helped thousands to achieve their dreams of financial independence. As an internet marketing coach with a focus on personal development, Jay may be able to assist you in reaching your goals. You can work with Jay for a 100% refundable fee of $49 by clicking on this link and committing to your future. Work with Coach Jay.
Jay Cradeur is an author, blogger, internet marketer, world traveler, and coach. Jay has helped thousands to achieve their dreams of financial independence. As an internet marketing coach with a focus on personal development, Jay may be able to assist you in reaching your goals. You can work with Jay for a 100% refundable fee of $49 by clicking on this link and committing to your future. Work with Coach Jay.
