It is a challenge to find a man who truly respects the wisdom of women. Most men, mired in the pathology of patriarchy, can’t see clearly through the darkened lens. Until a man surrenders to the power/divine connection/creative force of a woman (any woman, not necessarily his partner) and is humbled by the living goddess within the feminine form, he will hold women as a second class citizen. Social conditioning makes it so.
Women, on the other hand, in order to warrant said respect, must do the heavy lifting to find and nurture the goddess within. European women do this better than our American sisters. Sadly, many women simply do not know of the power they wield. Therefore they invite the patriarchal dismissal, unaware that a man in their life is a choice and not a result of need.
Women living fully within their power are the most beautiful beings in creation. Only a humble man will ever experience the joy of co-creating with the feminine in a true organic partnership.
About the Author
Jay Cradeur is an author, blogger, internet marketer, world traveler, and coach. Jay has helped thousands to achieve their dreams of financial independence. As an internet marketing coach with a focus on personal development, Jay may be able to assist you in reaching your goals. You can work with Jay for a 100% refundable fee of $49 by clicking on this link and committing to your future. Work with Coach Jay.
“There is a loneliness in this world so great that you can see it in the slow movement of the hands of a clock” ―Charles Bukowski
I hear quite a bit of advice. Some people have an Aha moment, and feel compelled to share it in the form of words of encouragement. One bit that is shared often is this: Love Yourself. While this is no doubt well intentioned, it actually makes someone who has this challenge feel worse for they don’t know how to accomplish the task, which in turn creates more self-loathing. “Why can’t I love myself more!” You might as well tell a blind man that he should go look at a Van Gogh painting. I look at this image and am filled with awe, beauty, and the touch of God. I can even share my rapturous feelings with a man who can not see, but it does not do him much good. I can only imagine the feelings of frustration, regret and downright anger that arise. It does not work.
“With love you don’t bargain. There, the choice is not yours. Love is a mirror, it reflects only your essence, if you have the courage to look in its face. ”
– Rumi
Love is the law. Love is the truth. Love can be as harsh as it can be beautiful. Therefore, it takes courage to look at your essence, for you, at your core, are love. It takes courage to begin the process of knowing yourself. It is easy to look and see all the good stuff. The trick is to look at the dark stuff, come to terms with it, appreciate it, and rather than pretend it does not exist, integrate it into your being. I have discovered that I am competitive. I relish the thought of winning and another losing. I have rage and anger and impatience that live within me. I have the capacity to kill. These are just some of the components of my dark side. It is my journey to discover these aspects of myself and come to a place of acceptance. In order to truly experience authentic love of any kind, this has to happen. Otherwise my love is a partial love, a pretend love , the kind of love bandied about in silly love songs. It wears off and does not stand the test of time. Since our love is incomplete, we look outside of ourselves for more. And so we have a culture that celebrates finding love in another. We hear expression like “You complete me.” What we thought was love wears off and families are broken into pieces. If only more looked within wherein lies all the answers.
So where do you start? The elixir is in the poison. You dive into the hurt. I have never met a human being that did not have some feelings of self-loathing. Often it is self loathing, like the pain from a persistent pebble in our shoe, that awakens us to action. It’s the discomfort that creates the yearning for something greater. It’s only in the acquisition of self-knowledge that we begin to appreciate the brilliance of our human condition. It’s this appreciation for the universal condition of all beings that begins to look like self-love. But it is not self-love. It is love. As the Bukowski quote indicates, many suffer from loneliness, or a feeling of being uncomfortable in the present moment without the company of another person. However, once one begins to experience love, time spent alone transforms into a panoply of experiences, rich and full of joy and inner contentment.
“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.” ― Pablo Neruda
Love is not something you direct at yourself or at a chosen other. Love is a state of being, a place you come from in every moment of your life. In fact, the idea of loving just yourself or just another, will upon ruthless examination, seem non-sensical. When you arrive in life at where you started in life, love is everywhere, like the constant beat of life in your heart. I love you. This is true. I love me too. You is me. Me is you. If you want to feel the real deal, you have to do the heavy lifting. Invest time into knowing yourself and into understanding who you are through and through. It is as simple as writing your name on a piece of paper, then write “Light Side” on the top left and “Dark Side” on the top right, and begin writing. It’s OK to admit to all aspects of yourself, especially to yourself. You will be surprised at the catharsis that occurs when you undertake this simple little process.
This love, the great love, the golden love, is available right now. It is in the air we all breath. It is in the sunlight that warms your skin. It is in the tone of your friend’s voice. It is in your lover’s breath. You don’t need to look for it, for it can’t be found. Life calls upon each of us to dive deep within our own being, and in so doing, we begin to clean the lens of our perception. The love is here, more love than we can imagine, the kind of love that has obsessed poets like Neruda and Bukowski and Rumi for lifetimes. It is so powerful, and can be so overwhelming, that we often lean back towards what is comfortable, and socially accepted, while the keys to the kingdom of heaven slip out of our hands. Can’t you taste it? Are you ready to undertake the hero’s quest to unearth the grail? Grab my hand and let’s jump into the abyss.
About the Author
Jay Cradeur is an author, blogger, internet marketer, world traveler, and coach. Jay has helped thousands to achieve their dreams of financial independence. As an internet marketing coach with a focus on personal development, Jay may be able to assist you in reaching your goals. You can work with Jay for a 100% refundable fee of $49 by clicking on this link and committing to your future. Work with Coach Jay.
Isn’t it true that we feel the most alive, the most real, the most authentic, when we are going through the most challenging of times? Had a bout with cancer? Experienced the death of a loved one? Job loss? Relationship dissolution? Career change? Financial chaos? Stopping any form of intoxication (drinking, smoking, narcotics, gambling, debting, sexing…)? If you look at this honestly, the times of the greatest challenge, when life hardly seem worth living, when nothing else really matters, when depression may have set in, when staying in bed sounds as attractive as taking a walk along the beach, these are the times when you and I have been the closest to the true nature of our current incarnation. It is undeniable.
The path of adult maturation demands that we think for ourselves. All authority must be assumed within. Outside authority must be systematically challenged, questioned and discarded. I must take full responsibility not only for my current life, but for my past life and the resulting behaviors and thought forms I have acquired. I bring this up because for most of us, we have been lied to from the day we were born. We have been told what to believe, how to live, what to pursue, and what will bring us happiness. How is that working for you? Do you enjoy being a cog in the wheel? Are you starting to ask questions, and are you beginning to figure things out on your own? In order to do that, one must assume full self authority. At some point, giving over your authority to anyone else, or to any group, is anathema to your soul.
Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. – Steve Jobs
So now, as a think for yourself human being, as you read on, ponder on this. Is it not true for you that the times of greatest challenge, pain, and despondency were the most authentic experiences you have had? As I sit with the men in my groups, I can pretty quickly tell who is deep in a challenging life experience. He is not giddy with excitement about a new car. He is not talking about his latest sexual conquest. Nor is he ranting on about his woman and relationship. No, rather he is humbled. He is vulnerable. His heart is flayed wide open. He is authentic. He is seeing the world through new eyes. He is experiencing a death, and in that space, the seeds of a new existence are beginning to spring forth. He knows in that moment, that the car, the sex and the women, all that stuff, is fairly incidental to what really matters here and now. It is more the stuff of dreams. In fact, he is beginning to see that this life is a dream. He is experiencing the seeds of awakening. And for the first time, he may be actually living in the current moment, without regrets for the past and fears for the future.
Why is it that when we feel lonely, despondent, depressed, humbled or vulnerable, we feel life to be the most real and authentic? Why is it that during these specific periods of time, we also feel that life is meaningless? This is very interesting. When we stop listening to the outside authorities telling us what is meaningful, and when we go through some of life’s most challenging moments, we find life to be empty and meaningless. Let me restate that because this is key. To be clear, during our most authentic moments, when we feel perfectly clear and present, life feels empty and meaningless. True? What do you think this means? This is a big question, the answer of which can have huge implications on your life. There is a huge freedom that comes from this seminal realization.
The inner emptiness is the door to God. – Osho
Now, whatever it means to you, this undeniable feeling that life is empty is something most of us do not like. It is scary. It gives one a feeling of being unhinged. It goes against most everything we have been taught. It is new and different, and most of us will do just about anything not to feel it. During our men’s events, we refers to this experience, the little voice of emptiness, as the “little bastard” and we want to keep him little and hidden away, because at first he doesn’t feel good inside us. It feels wrong to be living a life that is empty and meaningless. As Morpheus showed Neo the stark sterile nature of the matrix, Neo uttered “No, It Can’t Be.” Well, apparently it can be and it is. Adults face the music and walk through it. Children intoxicate and avoid. Adults experience the freedom of truth. Children prefer to live in lies.
Think of all the ways we as human intoxicate ourselves, all in an effort to keep the little bastard at bay. The little bastard reminds us that death is coming. No matter how we live this life, no matter how well we love, no matter how much we give, nor how magnificently we live, we are going to exit this place. There is no way around it. This truth lies at the core of every fear we have. That is what the little bastard whispers in our ears. And so, to shut him up, we intoxicate on life. During most of my life I had been living in fear, obsessed with intoxicating and avoiding. I initially felt my little bastard when my first marriage was coming to an end. I felt miserable, depressed, suicidal, and trapped. Life did not feel worth living. What was the point? I had achieved those things on which I had set my sights. I had the good job, the wife, the children, the house, all of the things I thought I had wanted. However, as I came to understand, there is an emptiness in acquisition. And so came the knock knock on the door of my mind. The little bastard was ready to break the door down. I had to get out. I had to jump into the arms of another woman. I had to start smoking. I had to move. I had to get a new job. And with all those distractions, I was able to resume life in my own monochromatic dream for another 10 years. Funny how it all works…simple, yet very clever.
There is an emptiness in acquisition. After you have achieved something profound, or purchased a big ticket item, often the response to yourself is something like, “Is that all there is?” or “Is that it?” or “Hmmm?” There is an emptiness in acquisition. After fantastic sex and a mind-blowing orgasm, it does not take long for the little bastard to whisper in your ear, “That’s it?” Notice how you feel after watching the Super Bowl. Right after the conclusion, there is an immediate let down. “Was that it?” There is a letdown after every intoxication, because life does not match up to our illusory expectations. We strongly desire that life has some meaning, yet the truth of our feelings does not resonate commensurate with our desires. The little bastard speaks the truth. Damned that little bastard!
Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after. – Henry David Thoreau
A glorious and magnificent life is one that is lived in truth. Most run from the truth, preferring to live in a sort of dream state rather than make the dedicated effort to understand this amazing life we are privileged to call home. As we embrace all of life, and not just the “good” stuff, have you noticed how life gets simpler. Fears abate. Synchronicity abounds. Mysteries unfurl. You begin to understand things from a much larger perspective. Everything starts to fit into a paradigm which makes sense of all situations. Unfortunately, you can’t learn this stuff by reading about it. You must live it. You must learn to embrace all of it. You must walk through the fears and expose them for what they are. The payoff off is immediate and substantial. Your energy will rise. You will be humble You will be vulnerable. You will be wildly attractive to both sexes. You will feel and recognize the interconnections of all beings. Life will become magical. And all of this is available, right now, just on the other side of this moment, by simply beginning to look at life honestly and on your own terms. It is your life. The invitation is to live it exceptionally.
About the Author
Jay Cradeur is an author, blogger, internet marketer, world traveler, and coach. Jay has helped thousands to achieve their dreams of financial independence. As an internet marketing coach with a focus on personal development, Jay may be able to assist you in reaching your goals. You can work with Jay for a 100% refundable fee of $49 by clicking on this link and committing to your future. Work with Coach Jay.
Where do you go my love?
Have I ever really known you?
Your lovely disguise had me convinced
Yet I long for the true you that I once knew.
Why do you hide my love?
What happens to call the fear?
When did you decide to shut it down?
When we know there is much more here.
Once I felt your breath of crystalline air.
My swelling heart swayed in unison with you.
I heard a chorus of angels in your voice.
Does it hurt you so bad the memories of two?
Will I ever feel you vibrant again?
Will you ever open in free repose?
Can I be a safe port in the storm my love?
For you to drop anchor and stop being foes?
Where does your heart go sweet mystery?
When you protect and puts up the walls?
I’ll dismantle the fortress brick by brick.
Well tango together in earth’s heavenly halls
This is the dance of life’s human form
Hold tight or let it all go and surrender.
Both are risky and nothing is for dammed sure.
But release offers the finest God can render.
Let Go. Just Let Go!
– Jay Cradeur (from Breathing Light –A little book of poems)
This poem is about the illusion of separation, heart ache, hope and frustration. I wrote this after having lost a love, and not understanding why. Was I not a good enough man? Did she, as I have done with others, simply fall out of love? Could she come back to me?
In the end, all I or any man can do is work to become the best man he can be. If that attracts a woman into my world, so be it. If any particular woman is not interested, I marshal on knowing I am creating a magnificent life, alone or in partnership. Life is too short to worry about such things. There are forces, powerful forces, which mold and shape a life. I’ll work to stay in alignment with the multitude, for it is their game I am playing, it is their energy that flows through me, and I am honored beyond belief to be their conduit.
About the Author
Jay Cradeur is an author, blogger, internet marketer, world traveler, and coach. Jay has helped thousands to achieve their dreams of financial independence. As an internet marketing coach with a focus on personal development, Jay may be able to assist you in reaching your goals. You can work with Jay for a 100% refundable fee of $49 by clicking on this link and committing to your future. Work with Coach Jay.
In 2004, I ventured into the evening woods during the fall equinox in Marin County, CA. I noticed how my body wanted to slow down and get quiet. Something much bigger than me was demanding my attention and respect. This sensation became quite strong, especially as I ventured past the lit portion of the forest into the dark and thick quiet. It was profoundly eerie, walking among the huge trees, the moonlight piercing through the rare openings in the canopy, and the subtle sounds of the wind and falling leaves tickling my awareness.
I slowly walked, and utilized the Taoist form of walking, which serves to quiet the body and the mind, allowing me to become more at one with the surroundings. It was quiet, still and beautiful. As I slowed down, I felt myself drawn to the trees, and found myself leaning into one of the larger ones. As I leaned, I felt as if all the tension and anxiousness that was in my body simply oozed out, as if being absorbed by the tree through osmosis. It was decadent beyond words. I had to move to another tree and sit down, my back leaning into this magnificent energy source.
I didn’t move for about half an hour or so. I focused my attention on the physical sensations I was experiencing. I listened to the wind. I felt the tree at my back, and the soft ground under my legs. And then I was called to look up, and so I did. And there, in the gap between the trees, I saw the Goddess. She was very beautiful, with just her alabaster face looking down at me. I looked up at her for another 10 minutes, listening for her message. And what I heard was “Even when you don’t see me, know that I am always with you.” How stunning and glorious! I have since had many such mystical magical experiences, but this was one of the first, and there is nothing quite like the first. I felt ever so fortunate.
At this point, I realized I had lost track of time, and my friends had headed back out of the forest. So I left my cozy nook next to the tree, and began my trek out of the forest. I noticed how the energy had shifted since I had walked in. The night was darker, the wind louder, and magic was in the air. I opened my eyes and my heart, looking for whatever was next. And she came back to me again.
I was walking and saw her, a woman dressed in white, with a white scarf draped over the front of her. As I approached, she began to fade into the night. Still, I understood we were not through with our interactions. I understood there was still something for me to learn on this night. I went back to my original location and looked at her again, and I watched her. I defocused my eyes, a technique my teacher had taught me, and I felt for what she was saying to me. She asked me to hug her. Now, I am not one to argue with or question divine guidance. I tried to do things my way in the past, and it didn’t work. If I am asked to hug a goddesss, I will do it. It was one of the most heartfelt experiences of my life. She was soft, and she smelled of freshly cut wood. She was glorious to hold. Then, and only then, did I understand the true meaning of her message. “Even when you don’t see me, know that I am always with you.”
I feel that so much of my work with men had been about connecting our hearts (under used) with our heads (over used). What she was telling me, I believe, is that women have the exact same challenge. Many women are utilizing more of their masculine (their heads) than they really care to. It is survival. There aren’t many men around in whose company women can truly relax into their feminine divine essence. There is a disconnect between the Goddess’ head and her feeling body. She is screaming to us for the same connection we all strive for, that 12-inch connection between our heart and mind. While I was honored by the wisdom, I also felt a profound sense of mission and purpose, with so many minds and bodies, so rushed, and with so little serenity, stillness, vulnerability and open heartedness.
– Jay Cradeur (from an upcoming book tentatively titled, The Bridge To Camelot)
About the Author
Jay Cradeur is an author, blogger, internet marketer, world traveler, and coach. Jay has helped thousands to achieve their dreams of financial independence. As an internet marketing coach with a focus on personal development, Jay may be able to assist you in reaching your goals. You can work with Jay for a 100% refundable fee of $49 by clicking on this link and committing to your future. Work with Coach Jay.
“I remember kneeling in the pews, letting my tongue touch the wood of the pew in front of me. It had a very unusual and appealing taste to me, so I would taste it often. I remember being bored most of the time, since I didn’t really understand what was happening up there in the front. Things did improve slightly once I received my first holy communion and I was able to participate in that sacrament from grade three to four. The best part of going to church on school days was the end. I remember experiencing pure exuberance when I could walk out the doors of the church, into the sunshine, and onto the school playground. I loved to play. That was all that really mattered to me, playing. Going to church, going to school, doing chores, those were all things that needed to be done so that I would have time to play.”
This is an except from a book in progress.
Please share an exuberant childhood memory? What made you smile so big your face hurt?
About the Author
Jay Cradeur is an author, blogger, internet marketer, world traveler, and coach. Jay has helped thousands to achieve their dreams of financial independence. As an internet marketing coach with a focus on personal development, Jay may be able to assist you in reaching your goals. You can work with Jay for a 100% refundable fee of $49 by clicking on this link and committing to your future. Work with Coach Jay.
Jay Cradeur is an author, blogger, internet marketer, world traveler, and coach. Jay has helped thousands to achieve their dreams of financial independence. As an internet marketing coach with a focus on personal development, Jay may be able to assist you in reaching your goals. You can work with Jay for a 100% refundable fee of $49 by clicking on this link and committing to your future. Work with Coach Jay.
