On August 15th I will be heading toward Asia, and landing in Phuket, Thailand, jumping into the great unknown. I plan to be there during our winter months and returning to Northern California in spring 2015. It is a great adventure, with much to be revealed. While my soul has come to accept and embrace this uprooting, my ego is resisting. I can feel its confusion, its desire for security, and its ever-present and well-known fear of the unknown.
Some days I imagine myself scuba diving in crystal clear water, warm water teeming with gorgeous sea life. I envision a long lazy Saturday sitting on a beach, tanning myself, eating ripe fruit and grilled, just caught, fish, and rejuvenating like never before. I foresee hanging out with my new local friends, learning how to cook Thai food for myself and for others. Yes, I see these pictures in my head, and know that they will mostly materialize in due time.
Other days, I imagine myself in my bungalow, with my children and family and friends some 8,000 miles away. I know there will be moments of longing for carnitas from the taco truck, and the laughter of loved ones sitting across the table from me. There will be days in which I will not want to write, and won’t have anything planned, and will be tired of working, and stretching and meditating and cooking and diving, and even in Thailand, I will be bored.
In the end, life is life, here and there, in Sebastopol, CA and Phuket, Thailand. This trip is not an escape for me, but rather it is a dive into the unknown. Thailand is an arrow straight through my heart, a powerful choice to leave here, and find more of me there. The life of a monk, as I imagine it, is simple yet challenging, with moments of bliss few will ever experience, followed by hellish walks through the desert of lost souls. It is those journeys, which inform the bliss. Soon it will be time for me, once again, to put on my walking shoes.
About the Author
Jay Cradeur is an author, blogger, internet marketer, world traveler, and coach. Jay has helped thousands to achieve their dreams of financial independence. As an internet marketing coach with a focus on personal development, Jay may be able to assist you in reaching your goals. You can work with Jay for a 100% refundable fee of $49 by clicking on this link and committing to your future. Work with Coach Jay.
There is a profound beauty inherent in every moment. It is an aching awareness, an excruciatingly profound knowing that this life, this experience, right now, is precious. The more you slow things down and find that still center in the heart of your being, the more you will come to experience life on life’s terms. Therein lies the gorgeous beauty of our existence. When you get beyond the celebrations, the self-congratulations, and the extravagances, there you may find the mountainous presence of this exact moment. It is so subtle, and yet not. When you feel it, you will be forever changed.
Life is not an experience to be dominated. Rather, it is a dance, a romantic give and take, a love affair with the unknown. Life, which I’ll refer to as She, She has so much to offer. We are called upon to be receptive and open to attract her precious gifts: love, bliss, grace, connection, and the incredible self-knowledge that no matter what happens, life has your back. There is a freedom to letting it all go, and allowing the white rapids of life to take you and show you exactly who and what you are in a way that will wash away all fears and concerns.
Life is patiently waiting. Life has always been waiting. One day you will jump. It is inevitable for that is the way the river flows. When you are ready, you will show up. It starts by getting honest about the role you play in your life. It starts by eating some humble pie, and acknowledging the precarious nature of our existence. It starts by surrendering to life, and thereby getting into greater alignment with life. She will forge a partnership that has an unbreakable bond. In this partnership, you get out of the way and allow life, in all her power and glory, to work through you. It’s a tacit agreement that you will serve as a conduit, fully aware that your gifts and accomplishments truly are not your own.
She calls upon us to be vulnerable, soft, willing, and purposefully aware. Then the dance will begin in earnest, the dance of life which starts with one conscious breath. These are life’s terms. This is life’s promise to you. The invitation remains at your doorstep.
About the Author
Jay Cradeur is an author, blogger, internet marketer, world traveler, and coach. Jay has helped thousands to achieve their dreams of financial independence. As an internet marketing coach with a focus on personal development, Jay may be able to assist you in reaching your goals. You can work with Jay for a 100% refundable fee of $49 by clicking on this link and committing to your future. Work with Coach Jay.
I was asked recently to write about the path of joy. I said to myself (with a duplicitous smile on my face)…. “The What?”
Oh, yes, of course, joy. Having a good time. Enjoying myself. Bringing a smile to the face of others. Feeling a lightness of being. While this is not my normal operating system, I do know joy. I have experienced its elusive and always glorious nature. Still, joy feels like a foreigner in a foreign land.
Take a deep breath here Mr. Jay. You may actually enjoy this.
If I remember the best sex I ever had, there it is. Joy. Actually, if I remember just about any sex I have had, there it is! If I remember the birth of any of my children, there it is. If I remember how I feel after an initiation ritual, there it is. If I remember how I feel after making a big sale, there it is. If I remember sitting around a campfire with my close friends, there it is. If I remember how I felt when I looked at the scale, and I had achieved my 3-month weight loss goal, there it is again.
Now it is the time for joy in all it’s glory: ongoing, ever lasting, and full on.
I notice that all my joy comes as a result of an experience, or the memory of those experiences. Seems I have never been much of a “smell the roses” kind of guy. Growing up as a male in America, I was taught to have goals, work hard, achieve great things, and then take on the next project. There was never much emphasis (actually none) on joy. And I know I am not alone. Having spent 15 years of my life in transformational weekend events, I can tell you there is not much joy amongst the brothers.
I call in joy. I call in my joy. I am too old to do things I do not want to do. If I want to do something, then I will do it with joy in my heart. I call in joy that is not dependent on a situation, an accomplishment, nor another. I call in joy as my way of being. Today I say to myself: “I am joy!” While this will no doubt make some of my buddies want to vomit, I am too old and too tired to keep pushing a boulder up a hill. Rather, I will follow the boulder down the other side of the hill, and smile all the way to the end.
Taking a stand for joy requires some courage. Dare to be happy. This affirmation will require discipline. This way of being is not for the dramatic, the emotional, nor the weak. It takes some balls to say I choose joy. Try it out and really mean it. Just for today, greet every experience with joy. When your husband or wife or boyfriend or girlfriend does that thing they do that you hate so much, greet it with joy. Transform your experience. When you lose that sale that you were counting on, bring joy rather than disappointment. When the waiter brings you a cold hamburger, can you experience joy rather than anger? When you realize this life, this one glorious life that you have, when you realize it is all going to come to an end, can you still greet each day with joy? Through heartache and betrayal, through hurt and failure, will you chose joy?
There was a time when I thought talk of joy was utter bullshit. I would say to my brothers, life is about challenge, life is about burning, and unearthing those searing bits of my unconscious, and reliving past painful events, so as to become the hollow bone through which spirit may freely flow. I have done all that. It was hard, and at times, brutally painful, and it required a powerful vision to stay the path. Occasional exuberance was a welcome by product of the work. However, as one who has walked the path for three decades, I can now say there could have been more joy. Hell, there could have been a whole bunch more joy. I am not one to lament the past, but there is a truth to be gleaned from my own experiences. I never chose joy in the past. Today I choose joy.
I tell you, I hear you snickering on the sidelines. I know well of your feelings of derision. “Has he lost his mind?”
Yes I have.
It is about time!
About the Author
Jay Cradeur is an author, blogger, internet marketer, world traveler, and coach. Jay has helped thousands to achieve their dreams of financial independence. As an internet marketing coach with a focus on personal development, Jay may be able to assist you in reaching your goals. You can work with Jay for a 100% refundable fee of $49 by clicking on this link and committing to your future. Work with Coach Jay.
It is a challenge to find a man who truly respects the wisdom of women. Most men, mired in the pathology of patriarchy, can’t see clearly through the darkened lens. Until a man surrenders to the power/divine connection/creative force of a woman (any woman, not necessarily his partner) and is humbled by the living goddess within the feminine form, he will hold women as a second class citizen. Social conditioning makes it so.
Women, on the other hand, in order to warrant said respect, must do the heavy lifting to find and nurture the goddess within. European women do this better than our American sisters. Sadly, many women simply do not know of the power they wield. Therefore they invite the patriarchal dismissal, unaware that a man in their life is a choice and not a result of need.
Women living fully within their power are the most beautiful beings in creation. Only a humble man will ever experience the joy of co-creating with the feminine in a true organic partnership.
About the Author
Jay Cradeur is an author, blogger, internet marketer, world traveler, and coach. Jay has helped thousands to achieve their dreams of financial independence. As an internet marketing coach with a focus on personal development, Jay may be able to assist you in reaching your goals. You can work with Jay for a 100% refundable fee of $49 by clicking on this link and committing to your future. Work with Coach Jay.
“There is a loneliness in this world so great that you can see it in the slow movement of the hands of a clock” ―Charles Bukowski
I hear quite a bit of advice. Some people have an Aha moment, and feel compelled to share it in the form of words of encouragement. One bit that is shared often is this: Love Yourself. While this is no doubt well intentioned, it actually makes someone who has this challenge feel worse for they don’t know how to accomplish the task, which in turn creates more self-loathing. “Why can’t I love myself more!” You might as well tell a blind man that he should go look at a Van Gogh painting. I look at this image and am filled with awe, beauty, and the touch of God. I can even share my rapturous feelings with a man who can not see, but it does not do him much good. I can only imagine the feelings of frustration, regret and downright anger that arise. It does not work.
“With love you don’t bargain. There, the choice is not yours. Love is a mirror, it reflects only your essence, if you have the courage to look in its face. ”
– Rumi
Love is the law. Love is the truth. Love can be as harsh as it can be beautiful. Therefore, it takes courage to look at your essence, for you, at your core, are love. It takes courage to begin the process of knowing yourself. It is easy to look and see all the good stuff. The trick is to look at the dark stuff, come to terms with it, appreciate it, and rather than pretend it does not exist, integrate it into your being. I have discovered that I am competitive. I relish the thought of winning and another losing. I have rage and anger and impatience that live within me. I have the capacity to kill. These are just some of the components of my dark side. It is my journey to discover these aspects of myself and come to a place of acceptance. In order to truly experience authentic love of any kind, this has to happen. Otherwise my love is a partial love, a pretend love , the kind of love bandied about in silly love songs. It wears off and does not stand the test of time. Since our love is incomplete, we look outside of ourselves for more. And so we have a culture that celebrates finding love in another. We hear expression like “You complete me.” What we thought was love wears off and families are broken into pieces. If only more looked within wherein lies all the answers.
So where do you start? The elixir is in the poison. You dive into the hurt. I have never met a human being that did not have some feelings of self-loathing. Often it is self loathing, like the pain from a persistent pebble in our shoe, that awakens us to action. It’s the discomfort that creates the yearning for something greater. It’s only in the acquisition of self-knowledge that we begin to appreciate the brilliance of our human condition. It’s this appreciation for the universal condition of all beings that begins to look like self-love. But it is not self-love. It is love. As the Bukowski quote indicates, many suffer from loneliness, or a feeling of being uncomfortable in the present moment without the company of another person. However, once one begins to experience love, time spent alone transforms into a panoply of experiences, rich and full of joy and inner contentment.
“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.” ― Pablo Neruda
Love is not something you direct at yourself or at a chosen other. Love is a state of being, a place you come from in every moment of your life. In fact, the idea of loving just yourself or just another, will upon ruthless examination, seem non-sensical. When you arrive in life at where you started in life, love is everywhere, like the constant beat of life in your heart. I love you. This is true. I love me too. You is me. Me is you. If you want to feel the real deal, you have to do the heavy lifting. Invest time into knowing yourself and into understanding who you are through and through. It is as simple as writing your name on a piece of paper, then write “Light Side” on the top left and “Dark Side” on the top right, and begin writing. It’s OK to admit to all aspects of yourself, especially to yourself. You will be surprised at the catharsis that occurs when you undertake this simple little process.
This love, the great love, the golden love, is available right now. It is in the air we all breath. It is in the sunlight that warms your skin. It is in the tone of your friend’s voice. It is in your lover’s breath. You don’t need to look for it, for it can’t be found. Life calls upon each of us to dive deep within our own being, and in so doing, we begin to clean the lens of our perception. The love is here, more love than we can imagine, the kind of love that has obsessed poets like Neruda and Bukowski and Rumi for lifetimes. It is so powerful, and can be so overwhelming, that we often lean back towards what is comfortable, and socially accepted, while the keys to the kingdom of heaven slip out of our hands. Can’t you taste it? Are you ready to undertake the hero’s quest to unearth the grail? Grab my hand and let’s jump into the abyss.
About the Author
Jay Cradeur is an author, blogger, internet marketer, world traveler, and coach. Jay has helped thousands to achieve their dreams of financial independence. As an internet marketing coach with a focus on personal development, Jay may be able to assist you in reaching your goals. You can work with Jay for a 100% refundable fee of $49 by clicking on this link and committing to your future. Work with Coach Jay.
Isn’t it true that we feel the most alive, the most real, the most authentic, when we are going through the most challenging of times? Had a bout with cancer? Experienced the death of a loved one? Job loss? Relationship dissolution? Career change? Financial chaos? Stopping any form of intoxication (drinking, smoking, narcotics, gambling, debting, sexing…)? If you look at this honestly, the times of the greatest challenge, when life hardly seem worth living, when nothing else really matters, when depression may have set in, when staying in bed sounds as attractive as taking a walk along the beach, these are the times when you and I have been the closest to the true nature of our current incarnation. It is undeniable.
The path of adult maturation demands that we think for ourselves. All authority must be assumed within. Outside authority must be systematically challenged, questioned and discarded. I must take full responsibility not only for my current life, but for my past life and the resulting behaviors and thought forms I have acquired. I bring this up because for most of us, we have been lied to from the day we were born. We have been told what to believe, how to live, what to pursue, and what will bring us happiness. How is that working for you? Do you enjoy being a cog in the wheel? Are you starting to ask questions, and are you beginning to figure things out on your own? In order to do that, one must assume full self authority. At some point, giving over your authority to anyone else, or to any group, is anathema to your soul.
Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. – Steve Jobs
So now, as a think for yourself human being, as you read on, ponder on this. Is it not true for you that the times of greatest challenge, pain, and despondency were the most authentic experiences you have had? As I sit with the men in my groups, I can pretty quickly tell who is deep in a challenging life experience. He is not giddy with excitement about a new car. He is not talking about his latest sexual conquest. Nor is he ranting on about his woman and relationship. No, rather he is humbled. He is vulnerable. His heart is flayed wide open. He is authentic. He is seeing the world through new eyes. He is experiencing a death, and in that space, the seeds of a new existence are beginning to spring forth. He knows in that moment, that the car, the sex and the women, all that stuff, is fairly incidental to what really matters here and now. It is more the stuff of dreams. In fact, he is beginning to see that this life is a dream. He is experiencing the seeds of awakening. And for the first time, he may be actually living in the current moment, without regrets for the past and fears for the future.
Why is it that when we feel lonely, despondent, depressed, humbled or vulnerable, we feel life to be the most real and authentic? Why is it that during these specific periods of time, we also feel that life is meaningless? This is very interesting. When we stop listening to the outside authorities telling us what is meaningful, and when we go through some of life’s most challenging moments, we find life to be empty and meaningless. Let me restate that because this is key. To be clear, during our most authentic moments, when we feel perfectly clear and present, life feels empty and meaningless. True? What do you think this means? This is a big question, the answer of which can have huge implications on your life. There is a huge freedom that comes from this seminal realization.
The inner emptiness is the door to God. – Osho
Now, whatever it means to you, this undeniable feeling that life is empty is something most of us do not like. It is scary. It gives one a feeling of being unhinged. It goes against most everything we have been taught. It is new and different, and most of us will do just about anything not to feel it. During our men’s events, we refers to this experience, the little voice of emptiness, as the “little bastard” and we want to keep him little and hidden away, because at first he doesn’t feel good inside us. It feels wrong to be living a life that is empty and meaningless. As Morpheus showed Neo the stark sterile nature of the matrix, Neo uttered “No, It Can’t Be.” Well, apparently it can be and it is. Adults face the music and walk through it. Children intoxicate and avoid. Adults experience the freedom of truth. Children prefer to live in lies.
Think of all the ways we as human intoxicate ourselves, all in an effort to keep the little bastard at bay. The little bastard reminds us that death is coming. No matter how we live this life, no matter how well we love, no matter how much we give, nor how magnificently we live, we are going to exit this place. There is no way around it. This truth lies at the core of every fear we have. That is what the little bastard whispers in our ears. And so, to shut him up, we intoxicate on life. During most of my life I had been living in fear, obsessed with intoxicating and avoiding. I initially felt my little bastard when my first marriage was coming to an end. I felt miserable, depressed, suicidal, and trapped. Life did not feel worth living. What was the point? I had achieved those things on which I had set my sights. I had the good job, the wife, the children, the house, all of the things I thought I had wanted. However, as I came to understand, there is an emptiness in acquisition. And so came the knock knock on the door of my mind. The little bastard was ready to break the door down. I had to get out. I had to jump into the arms of another woman. I had to start smoking. I had to move. I had to get a new job. And with all those distractions, I was able to resume life in my own monochromatic dream for another 10 years. Funny how it all works…simple, yet very clever.
There is an emptiness in acquisition. After you have achieved something profound, or purchased a big ticket item, often the response to yourself is something like, “Is that all there is?” or “Is that it?” or “Hmmm?” There is an emptiness in acquisition. After fantastic sex and a mind-blowing orgasm, it does not take long for the little bastard to whisper in your ear, “That’s it?” Notice how you feel after watching the Super Bowl. Right after the conclusion, there is an immediate let down. “Was that it?” There is a letdown after every intoxication, because life does not match up to our illusory expectations. We strongly desire that life has some meaning, yet the truth of our feelings does not resonate commensurate with our desires. The little bastard speaks the truth. Damned that little bastard!
Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after. – Henry David Thoreau
A glorious and magnificent life is one that is lived in truth. Most run from the truth, preferring to live in a sort of dream state rather than make the dedicated effort to understand this amazing life we are privileged to call home. As we embrace all of life, and not just the “good” stuff, have you noticed how life gets simpler. Fears abate. Synchronicity abounds. Mysteries unfurl. You begin to understand things from a much larger perspective. Everything starts to fit into a paradigm which makes sense of all situations. Unfortunately, you can’t learn this stuff by reading about it. You must live it. You must learn to embrace all of it. You must walk through the fears and expose them for what they are. The payoff off is immediate and substantial. Your energy will rise. You will be humble You will be vulnerable. You will be wildly attractive to both sexes. You will feel and recognize the interconnections of all beings. Life will become magical. And all of this is available, right now, just on the other side of this moment, by simply beginning to look at life honestly and on your own terms. It is your life. The invitation is to live it exceptionally.
About the Author
Jay Cradeur is an author, blogger, internet marketer, world traveler, and coach. Jay has helped thousands to achieve their dreams of financial independence. As an internet marketing coach with a focus on personal development, Jay may be able to assist you in reaching your goals. You can work with Jay for a 100% refundable fee of $49 by clicking on this link and committing to your future. Work with Coach Jay.
Jay Cradeur is an author, blogger, internet marketer, world traveler, and coach. Jay has helped thousands to achieve their dreams of financial independence. As an internet marketing coach with a focus on personal development, Jay may be able to assist you in reaching your goals. You can work with Jay for a 100% refundable fee of $49 by clicking on this link and committing to your future. Work with Coach Jay.
