This weekend, I spent 2 days with some close friends at Dillon Beach in Northern California.  We shared a simple two-story house close to the beach.  The food was outstanding, the conversation was inquisitive, and the hot tub was soothing.  We took a few walks down to the Pacific Ocean, which always opens up big questions for me as I look out and observe the infinite nature of our world.  I began to ask myself this question:  Where do I begin?

As I march through this life, and learn bit by fiery bit, to tame my ego, it seems clear that I am not the chattering voice that wants to control everything.  I am not the one that demands “Look at me!”  Rather I am that inner voice, the observer, the listener, the one that responds rather than reacts.  I am the one that I discover each and every day that I meditate.  I am the one that can share a moment with another, and not talk, not demand, not need, and feel in-tune and connected.

So I thought.  I began to question this belief.

Is that me?  Is any of it, me?

Maybe I am giving myself too much credit (something for which my ego is very proficient).  Perhaps I am nothing more than a spark of consciousness, as I do have an awareness of this one called Jay.  Maybe all that inner voice and observer labeling is nothing more than a different aspect of ego.  Perhaps I am nothing but a composite amalgam resulting from the forces that have weighed upon me from the beginning of my earthly existence.  Where I live, who I spend my time with, what I spend my time doing, what country I am in, these seem to be the things that have forged me into me.   It has been, for the great majority, a choice-less existence.   Perhaps I am nothing more than a spirit inside a body suit that has been shaped and tempered by innumerable forces, both gross and subtle.

I believe so.

What I am now seeing clearly is that life has been far more mechanical, and predictable than I had ever imagined.   I had a vision of all of us as machines, plodding through life, all doing the same things.   This shift in awareness is infinitely freeing.   It feels like I am a goldfish that has been pulled out of the water so I can look back and see that I have been in a fish tank all this time, and there is a whole new world to be explored.  This new world shows up as an invitation to freely think outside of the box and uninhibitedly create.  I can do what I want, and create the type of life I have envisioned, for by understanding this dynamic, I am freed of it.

I began at birth, and from that point, I stopped, and life happened.  Now freed of that construct, I can choose to co create a reality based on spirit and flow.  This is exciting.  This feels fundamental.  This shatters the perception of free will.  Who among us is really free?  This is a complete shift in context that will take some getting used to.

Where do I begin?  Perhaps I don’t, or didn’t begin.   Something began, but it wasn’t me.   Perhaps I am but a channel through which energy flows.  Perhaps my roles are to be sensitive to the energy, and flow with it, and not resist it, and breathe.  What will a life look like without the fear and struggle?  I don’t know, but I am willing to find out.

About the Author

Jay Cradeur Jay Cradeur is an author, blogger, internet marketer, world traveler, and coach. Jay has helped thousands to achieve their dreams of financial independence. As an internet marketing coach with a focus on personal development, Jay may be able to assist you in reaching your goals. You can work with Jay for a 100% refundable fee of $49 by clicking on this link and committing to your future. Work with Coach Jay.