Almost anything can be an addiction, even little ol’ me.
I feel my love slipping away. She believes (I believe) the connection we feel is too strong, too passionate, and the love we share is pulling her away from the real demands of her life, things like getting a job, managing her household, eating well, her children, and perhaps even exercise. As she said, her moth got too close to my flame. I think she is giving me way too much credit. In fact, none of it really has anything to do with me. I am not the object of her addiction. It is god. Me, she can get rid of, but that won’t solve anything long term. She must deal with god to find her redemption. That, I can help with.
What is it that we all want? Jim Morrison said it best for me when he declared all we really want is something sacred in our lives. If you have ever had the experience of oneness, of connection to all things, of merging into all of existence, then you know it can be quite intoxicating. Some people feel it when they use drugs, or eat, or make love, or smoke, or masturbate, or spend money and buy things, or drink a fine Chardonnay at lunch in the sunshine. All of these in excess can become addictions.
In reality, when we slow down and take a deep breath, we can feel the touch of god in most everything. There is no question that god is everywhere. Everything is comprised of the god force. It does take some effort to train oneself to perceive reality just as it is. When we add all kinds of extra filters and beliefs and false notions to our life experience, god gets squeezed out. I look outside my window and see a red tail hawk flying in a circle overhead, and I melt. I walk down the street and see the sparkle in the eyes of the people that meet my gaze. I enjoy a cup of coffee in the morning which brings up fond memories of my childhood. God is everywhere if we look for her. The real question is how do we feel god in everything so that we don’t feel a lack. If we don’t feel a separation from god, then our desire for the sacred does not drive us to undertake extreme activities that are not healthy nor productive. How do we manage ourselves so that our drive for the divine is not creating chaos in our lives? How can we insert balance into our lives so that we can have it all, live deliriously happy lives, and not feel we are addicted to something?
The gods must be crazy. Is love an addiction? At what point does love become an addiction rather than a glorious expression of the magnificence of life? I have known love. It is certainly one of the finest and most enjoyable experiences on this earth plane. I have also taken drugs like ecstasy. I have eaten at some of the finest restaurants in the world. I have made love all night long and seen the fairies giggling with joy. Smoking, masturbating, spending, the white wine, haven’t we all done some if not all of those things? Yet on top of all of it, the experience of being in love, of sharing one’s heart, of courageously opening and surrendering to another who reciprocates in kind, well, that is the rare elixir of life. How does this gift of the gods, this gorgeous display of passion, this thing that makes us cry with joy, how does all of this become the devil in our lives?
I am drawn to addicts. They are my favorite people. I freely admit I am an addict. I smoked for20 years. I know what it is to be physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally attached to a destructive behavior. Addicts, in my experience, feel unusually profound feelings. They are passionate. Addicts have a strong desire to merge and feel god and be intertwined with everything. Addicts are naturally self-destructive. They figure out ways to destroy the self. In the end, isn’t that really what this life is about, that is, confronting the self so as to understand the self. I have sat in hundreds of 12 step meetings. Seems to me the goal is to know thyself. Anyone who has really done the 12 steps knows that it is one brutally honest self-examination. I highly recommend it. The trick is getting to end of the path in one piece. Addicts have a unique ability to put themselves into precarious situations which lead to self-discovery, revelations, epiphanies, and spiritual wisdom.
Jim says we all want to feel something sacred. We all want to know that this life we live means something. We all want to sit in our deathbed one day and look back and not have any regrets. We will want those memories of crazy powerful love, unbridled passion, and open hearted connections with those special people in our lives. I don’t think any of us are going to look back and fondly remember the job we got, the car we purchased, the way we played it safe, or the love we let slip away. It must be heartbreaking to look back and wonder where all those years went, and what the hell was I thinking!
Just this last month, a dear friend of mine has been hospitalized twice. She is young, beautiful, and healthy. Still, as she told me the story of her first trip to the hospital, she said “Jay, at one point I really thought I could die, that is how bad I felt.” And she could have died. It is moments like this that remind me that this life is fragile. I have always thought I would have loads and loads of time to hang out with my dear friend (who is now sitting in a hospital bed). What if she had died? What am I waiting for? Life is short. Now in my early fifties, I look back at the last twenty years and already wonder where all those years went. They do go by in a blink.
“How can I set free anyone who doesn’t have the guts to stand up alone and declare his own freedom? I think it’s a lie – people claim they want to be free – everybody insists that freedom is what they want the most, the most sacred and precious thing a man can possess. But that’s bullshit! People are terrified to be set free – they hold on to their chains. They fight anyone who tries to break those chains. It’s their security…How can they expect me or anyone else to set them free if they don’t really want to be free?”
Who deserves this kind of ecstasy? As some point, the pain of the life we live now becomes stronger than the fear of what lies up ahead. Or maybe we just say “Screw It” and let’s get on with it. It is also possible to use a powerful vision of the future to empower us past our fears. Perhaps one more loss will do the trick, maybe a death or an illness. Sad but true, with enough invitations, the universe will take action and these tragedies are the things that drive us to our knees and force us to transform, and embrace a new way of being, an elevated way of perceiving the world. Who knows what it will take to push someone over the tipping point.
Or, you can do as I have done, and just let go. Let go. Surrender. Stop fighting life. Stop trying to control everything. Stop listening to what others tell you as they argue for mediocrity. Go with the flow. Don’t think you know how any of this turns out. But that is hard to do. That nasty little bastard called fear is lurking just around the corner. The fear is your ego all dressed up and ready to play. Go tell him to piss off once and for all, and see how that works.
In the end, I adore the sacred. I must completely agree with Jim Morrison. I have worked all of my adult life to bring the sacred to every breath I take. I seem to attract people to me who are in search of the sacred, and they feel it. The sacred is indescribable. It is palpable. It is amazing. The sacred is simply the best. But how does one break on through to the other side, where life is sacred and magical. Grab my hand and let’s dance. It is at times sad to see such struggle, and I’d like to see transformation occur at a more rapid pace. And then again, when I am in my center, it is all perfect, and not one damned thing needs to be changed. I am addicted to being alive. And if there is a 12 step meeting for that, I won’t be attending.
About the Author
Jay Cradeur is an author, blogger, internet marketer, world traveler, and coach. Jay has helped thousands to achieve their dreams of financial independence. As an internet marketing coach with a focus on personal development, Jay may be able to assist you in reaching your goals. You can work with Jay for a 100% refundable fee of $49 by clicking on this link and committing to your future. Work with Coach Jay.