One Man’s Quick Observations of Food and People in Vietnam

One Man’s Quick Observations of Food and People in Vietnam

Author Jay Cradeur shares his visceral and heart warming experiences in Ho Chi Minh City, formerly Saigion, Vietnam.

Upon arriving at the Ho Chi Minh International Airport, obtaining my highly valued and well earned “visa on demand”, passing through customs and finally walking out to breathe the Vietnamese air, I was immediately struck by the number of people waiting outside for loved ones or for potential customers. It felt like a full ocean of people. It was also raining hard, what I would call torrential rains, the kind of rain that hits your windshield as if someone had dropped a bucket from overhead. And then there was the music. My taxi driver was playing on his radio what I assume was a traditional Vietnamese tune; with a very simple sing song rhythm to it. The scooters also made a lasting impression for they were everywhere. They dodge and dart through this vibrant city like a cat swats at a toy placed above its head.

Each day out walking about is akin to an ongoing sweat lodge, uncomfortable at times but always worth the trouble.

Now having landed,  I walked the streets with sidewalks largely rough and uneven, and the smell of grilled meats wafting here and there, I noticed the remarkable human diversity on display. There are not too many Americans, nor Europeans, nor Australians. Amongst the Vietnamese people, I saw the affluent in their big cars, the workers zipping around on their scooters, the tourists on foot learning how to negotiate through said scooters, the impoverished, who unabashedly hit me up for money time and again, and the physically deformed. I have never seen so many people with such physical challenges. There was the little girl with no arms, who approached me to buy a lottery ticket, which she held under her chin. There was the very old woman who had a body that looked like a reverse L, bent at a 90-degree angle. There was the older man missing both legs, who walked on his knees, in tennis shoes, with the help of two canes, and wearing a huge smile on his face. The human spirit is remarkable.

It is hot here. Let me say that again, it is hot and humid here. I like to walk. During my first day here, I put in 5 miles, going from restaurant to bar to restaurant and back to my hotel. My Saigon body is always wet. I don’t know if the body adjusts and sweats less over time, but as I felt the drip sliding down my back, or the chilling cold sensation of air conditioning pelting my sweat laden body, I remembered that sweating is an excellent form of purification. Each day out walking about is akin to an ongoing sweat lodge, uncomfortable at times but always worth the trouble.


As my local tour guide explained it, people are more interested in sharing coffee before work and having drinks after work, than what they do during work.

The food is unique and varied and most often accompanied by some cigarette smoke. Last night, I ate barbecue. Each table had a small gas-burning platter in the center. We ordered some beef, and a variety of fish and shrimp, all brought raw to the table. The platter is then coated in oil, and then without any further adieu, let the barbecuing begin. The flame is quite hot, so it does not take long for a piece of filet mignon wrapped in bacon to become an excellent accompaniment to a cold swig of Tiger beer. We also shared a salad and some white rice, and finished off with a nice crepe desert filled with bananas, vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup. I have had some of my most memorable soups here (Pho), and a pancake wrap filled with vegetables and duck (Banh xeo), and don’t even get me started on the unbelievable fresh sushi and in particular the lightly grilled salmon underbelly special.

But all of this covers up what I most strongly observed. The Vietnamese are a very warm and loving people. They are much more of a social animal than my American brethren. As my local tour guide explained it, people are more interested in sharing coffee before work and having drinks after work, than what they do during work. I saw this from the window of my hotel room. I awoke my first night at 4AM. There across the street was a small group of people, sitting on chairs, drinking coffee, talking and preparing items for the coming day. Again in the late afternoon, small tables seemed to appear out of nowhere, and groups of men, families, and old women, all were drinking, laughing, sharing and relating. Interestingly, I did not see many smart phones amongst these socializers. Say what – old school conversation? You can still find it in some places in the world. Vietnam is a place I could easily call home.

The article originally appeared on the Good Men Project Website.

Eliminating Waste: 3 Ways to Reduce Excessive Spending During the Holidays

Eliminating Waste: 3 Ways to Reduce Excessive Spending During the Holidays

Author Jay Cradeur shares a few simple strategies to reduce spending and increase the love you share and feel during the ever-increasing commercialized holiday season.

I enjoy the holidays. I grew up in America where the end of the year brings the two big holidays. I recall our family gatherings during Thanksgiving. We met at my grandparent’s home in Piedmont, California. Aunts, Uncles, Great Aunts and Uncles, friends of my grandparents all gathered once a year. I remember eating good food, watching the Wizard of Oz and playing Charades. Christmas also brings about memories of giddy joy upon waking up early in the morning to find gifts under the tree.

Years ago, I learned to say “No” to the social and familial pressure to buy everyone a gift.

As I have aged over the years, it feels Christmas has become far more commercial. Rather than being my bucolic experience of childhood, it feels bloated and excessive. When I see people running on top of each other to get a good deal on a 32 inch television at Wal-Mart on Black Friday, I wonder how it all went so sideways. My children are all grown and out of the house, so the days of big gift buying have passed me by. However, the pressure of the holiday season is still there. It is a pressure to get everyone I have ever known, a gift. Here I present to you a few simple ways to reduce your spending, and recapture the real spirit of Christmas.

#1 Just Say No.

There are a dozen or so people in my life to whom I truly want to give a gift. Then there are another dozen or so that expect a gift. Years ago, I learned to say “No” to the social and familial pressure to buy everyone a gift. I let everyone know that I was planning to cut back and commensurately, I was not expecting anyone to get me a gift. This way, only those that authentically wanted to get me a gift would follow through. I gave my gifts to those that I authentically wanted to have my gift. This cut my gift expense in half.

#2 Give Gifts of the Heart

Ten years ago, I began an institution called ‘Jay’s X-Mas Playlist.’ At the time, people were still using CDs. My first step was to go over the ‘best of the year’ music lists provided by magazines like Rolling Stone. If I saw a song that I might like, I would then go to Itunes and listen to a sample. If I liked it, I would pay the minimal fee and download the song. Each playlist would also have some old classics, some of my favorite music’ like Dock of the Bay’ by Otis Redding or ‘Brandy’ by Looking Glass. Once you have your songs, then you need to put them in an order that has a flow to it. The first few song set the tone. I then select some music that is more mellow, and then follow those songs with more vibrant music, and then end with songs that captures the essence of the whole. Here, for example, is my playlist from 2010:

  1. I Phone 4 Don’t Care – The Bears
  2. If You Could Read My Mind – Johnny Cash
  3. Farther Along – Marideth Sisco
  4. Send In The Clowns – Frank Sinatra
  5. The Hands of Angels – Elton John and Leon Russell
  6. Nobody’s Fault But Mine – Willie Nelson
  7. For The Good Times – Jamey Johnson
  8. Round Midnight – Thelonius Monk
  9. Flume – Peter Gabriel
  10. Wholy Holy – Marvin Gaye
  11. When The Saints Go Marching In –  Bruce Springsteen
  12. Slippin and Sliden – Justin Townes Earle
  13. Me and Bobby McGee – Kris Kristofferson
  14. Femme Fetal – Velvet Underground
  15. Moon Dreams – Miles Davis
  16. Tumblin Dice (Live) – Rolling Stones
  17. Angel Dance – Robert Plant / Band of Joy
  18. Long Road Home – Sheryl Crowe
  19. Stoney End – Barbra Streisand
  20. Tupelo Honey – Van Morrison.

 

It is unique joy to listen to a playlist that someone you know created. I have found the music is always a welcome gift, and far less expensive than traditional gifts.  If you happen to be a writer, you might add a short poem in addition to the playlist. Icing on top of the cake!

#3  Reduce Electric Lights

Cars can be so isolating. When I was on the train, I had 50 or so fellow passengers, all on a journey together. It felt good.

I remember being shocked by my electric bill in January. All of those lights on the house, and all of the lights inside the house, can add up to a significant energy spike. You can still be festive without lighting up the neighborhood. I have also found that candles inside the house, rather than lights, adds a very magical feel to the holidays. Candle light is very soothing during a stressful holiday season.

Bonus Idea – Take Public Transportation

I have recently begun to use more public transportation. Now that gas prices are quite low, this idea may not be a big money saver, but it does make an impact on your overall energy output. I also find that using public transportation is a soul satisfying experience. I recently took an Amtrak train from Sacramento to Oakland. I was able to relax, look at the beautiful California landscapes, work on my laptop, and eat my apple and almonds. Public transportation also forces you to interact with your fellow human beings. Cars can be so isolating. When I was on the train, I had 50 or so fellow passengers, all on a journey together. It felt good.

If you have any more ideas for reducing holiday expenses, please share in the comments below. I wish you all a very happy and warm holiday season. I now will begin working on my ‘Jay’s X-mas Playlist 2015’.  The only songs I know that I will add are Bruno MarsUptown Funk‘ and the Rolling Stones ‘Can’t You Hear Me Knocking’. I better get to work. Happy New Year!

The article originally appeared on the Good Men Project Website.

Five Searing Documentary Movies Every Man Should Watch

Five Searing Documentary Movies Every Man Should Watch

Author Jay Cradeur Shares Five Powerful, Educational, Introspective, Fascinating And Compelling Documentaries That Will Challenge You.

I love to watch a great movie. There are few things is life that give me more pleasure.   I usually watch in the evening at the end of the day, lying on my bed, my MacBook propped up on a pillow, my reading glasses on and earbuds firmly in place.  A movie, done well, can transport me to another world. Normal reality ceases to exist. I am there, in the movie, with the characters, living their life, experiencing their joys, fears and tears as we march together for a couple of hours, hand in hand on this crazy train ride called life. Documentaries have the rare opportunity to not only transport, but also whack me with powerful and potent doses of reality. I learn, I may cringe, I may be inspired and I may be saddened. Regardless, after a great documentary, I am changed. While watching all of the five documentaries featured here, I took a deep dive into myself. I made realizations and expounded on profound truths. I hope you do too.

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Senna (2012)

This movie focuses on the life of Ayrton Senna who was an Formula One racing car driver. He won the world championship three times before his tragic death at the age of 34. The movie also focuses on his rivalry with Alain Prost. This movie will inspire you. Before I saw Senna, I had no idea of the extent of the physical toll car racing exacts on a driver. Indeed, it seemed many of Senna’s racing wins were a result of pure self-will. If you are like me, and you never heard of Ayrton Senna, nor knew much about Formula One racing, then you will be astounded and impressed on many fronts. The conclusion of the film both angered and saddened me.   I am feeling thoroughly tossed just now remembering this film.

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When We Were Kings (2002)

I am a huge Muhammad Ali fan. I remember being a young boy, attending a Boy Scout meeting in the sacristy of Christ the King Catholic Church, and ducking outside so I could listen to the first Ali Frazier fight (called the Fight of the Century) on my little AM radio. This movie captures Ali past his physical prime, but firmly embracing his mental mastery. The Rumble In The Jungle in Zaire, Africa is one of the sports most legendary fights. Ali’s opponent, a young and angry George Foreman, was the heavy favorite. Ali was the fan favorite. The entire country of Zaire supported Ali. Who knew what Rope a Dope was nor how Ali would use it to win this magical fight? Rarely do we get an inside look at the the profound impact of words and energy on the trajectory of an event.  Featuring commentary by George Plimpton and Norman Mailer, this film will have you on your feet. “Ali, boom-bah-yea”

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The Act of Killing (2013)

I watched this film about a year ago. It is hard to shake. It is a tough film to watch. This documentary features Indonesian death squad leaders and challenges them to reenact their mass-killings in the style of American movies. These leaders were never prosecuted, and are still treated as heroes in their home country. This movie is a deep dive into the heart of darkness. It is a study in the way humans can compartmentalize and justify unconscionable behavior. In much the way factory farms kill animals without as much of a thought for the well being of the animals, these leaders clearly demonstrate the same kind of disconnect from their human prisoners and victims. It’s all just another day in the office. While watching this film, I evaluated and reassessed the depth of darkness that lives in me.

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Meru (2015)

I just watched this movie last week. The documentary is about three men who undertake to climb and summit a never before summited mountain called the Shark’s Fin on Mount Meru located in northern India. Remarkably, one of the climbers, Jimmy Chin, did all the photography. How he was able to climb in those conditions and capture such gorgeous images, is absolutely astounding. When you see the weather and the terrain, you will marvel at the rare opportunity we all have to share in the journey. This film will inspire you like few others. The challenges of the mountain and a few other unexpected and potentially tragic events all add to a powerful tale of overcoming all odds to accomplish what seems impossible. We get a birds eye view of mountain climbers breaking the four minute mile. To experience what it is to sit in a tent that is literally hanging on a sheer rock wall, thousands of feet above the ground, was worth the price of admission. But make no mistake; this film is so much more.

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Hearts of Darkness: A Filmmaker’s Apocalypse (2007)

My favorite film of all time is Apocalypse Now Redux. Hands down, there is no other movie that dives into the human condition like this film. “The horror, the horror.” This documentary is the behind the scenes look at what it took to get the film made. As I learned, the movie could very easily have never been completed. There were many unforeseen challenges, delays, illnesses and actor demands, any of which could have derailed the masterpiece that is Apocalypse Now. This movie teaches the power of one man with a clear vision. Francis Ford Coppola kept moving forward, never gave up, believed in his project, and finished the movie. Lesson learned!

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Jiro Dreams of Sushi (2011)

This movie is about men and their relationship to work. This movie is also about dedication to one’s craft.  This movie will make you hungry not only for sushi but also for your passion to do what you do well. Jiro Ono is a master sushi chef, world renowned, who has been doing the same thing day after day for decades. The film allows Jiro to share his philosophies, his rituals and habits, and his impact on his two sons. You will also gather a wealth of knowledge about sushi. Don’t miss this one.

Today, online, there is a plethora of fine documentaries available for viewing. When looking at all offerings from the perspective of the masculine, these five are the ones that most dramatically jolted me into a new way of seeing the world and my role therein. There are three more outstanding fims that I want to mention for they just barely missed the cut. Blackfish will have you thinking about what it means to be held in bondage. While the film is about whales, you can’t help but ask the question, “How free am I?” Earthlings is a brutal and challenging film about how humans treat non humans. It is startling, disgusting and poignant. This film pushed me over the edge to become a Vegan. The final honorable mention goes to the film Restrepo, a movie filmed in the Korangal Valley of Afghanistan. The two filmmakers embedded with an American Army unit and present to us the horrors of war unlike any other film. It is real and gritty and honest. We get to know the guys, and experience their fears and profound grief for the loss of their brothers.

Enjoy.

The article originally appeared on the Good Men Project Website.

How Looking Death In The Eye Changes A Man

How Looking Death In The Eye Changes A Man

Author Jay Cradeur shares the five searing lessons he learned when he faced death.

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Seven months ago, I was in the peak of health.

At 56 years of age, I had lost 45 pounds, dropping from 235 lbs. to 190 lbs. I had never spent even one night in a hospital. I had no major illnesses nor broken bones. I was working out each and every day for one hour at the Duangtawan Hotel in Chiang Mai, Thailand.

Then I slowly began to have challenges urinating. I could pee, but I had to really work hard at it. I visited the doctor at the clinic on Loi Kroh Road and he conducted some tests and determined I had BPH (benign prostate hypertension) aka Enlarged Prostate. This is a condition that affects 50% of all men over 60 years of age. As the prostate grows, it tightens on the urethra, which is the vessel through which urine flows. Little did I know that the next seven months would take me to the darkest and deepest grief, pain, suffering, and depression. I will forever recall saying to myself with crystalline clarity and sanity, “Death would be better than this!”

I was put on a gurney, stripped down to my blue Bob Dylan T shirt, had a catheter inserted into me while two Thai nurses worked on my stomach to get every drop of urine out of my bladder.

The Thai doctor prescribed a medication similar to Flowmax. I took it each night and for three months, everything was great. I was peeing normally and everything seemed right with the world. Then, towards the end of August, the lights just went out. I was not able to pee. For two long days, I tried hard. Think about the time you really had to pee, but you had to wait. Perhaps you were driving, and you had 10 minutes until the next gas station.  Imagine that feeling for 48 hours. I pushed with everything I had to squeeze out a few drops. I doubled the dose of my medication. I took a shower every hour to loosen up my muscles, and relieve the incredible pain I felt. Then I would sleep for 15 minutes until the pain returned. Then I went back into the shower. I began to feel my bladder, tight as a drum, protruding from my stomach. After two days of sheer misery, I jumped into a tuk tuk (Thai taxi) and said “Hospital.” I felt very alone in a foreign country and deep into a crisis for which I could see no end.

Upon arriving at the hospital, I urgently and with great desperation asked for some kind of drug to take the edge off. Instead, after a short interview, I was put on a gurney, stripped down to my blue Bob Dylan T shirt, had a catheter inserted into me while two Thai nurses worked on my stomach to get every drop of urine out of my bladder. At last I felt relief. The nurses were both quite animated for they had never seen anyone have such a large quantity of urine in his or her body. They squeezed out 2000 mls, about two and half times the normal quantity for a bladder. As I began to feel the relief of pressure, I did take note of this rather unique situation in my life, lying naked as a jay bird with two petite Thai nurses up on the gurney with me, kneading my stomach with great enthusiasm like it was a wad of dough. I live for those unforgettable moments.

In the face of pain, despair and depression, what is it that a man most desires?

Over the next three months, I was in the hospital five times. I had approximately 30 catheter insertions, three different UTIs (Urinary Tract Infections), a 60 minute dose of Morphine (awesome), one green light laser procedure to repair my prostate, two ultra sounds, one CT scan, one less kidney (I learned I was born with just one kidney), a 36 hour flight back to San Francisco with a 17 hour overnight stay in the Taiwan airport, and a few other medical issues (bladder distention, enlarged ureter, etc.) which further complicated my bladder and prostate condition. I could have died there in Thailand. Had my bladder burst I would most likely have died. There were moments, sitting in the shower with water falling on me, at times crying and others shrieking, when I would have chosen death. I learned it is difficult to remain positive and life affirming in the face of constant and severe physical pain.

That is the back-story. What interests me now that I appear to be on the other side of the trauma is this: what did I learn? What does one learn in the process of accepting that death in a quick moment is a legitimate possibility? It is a rare opportunity that most of us don’t get. In the face of pain, despair and depression, what is it that a man most desires? Does a near death experience make any kind of lasting impact that results in changed behavior? Here is what this man learned:

One: An appalling amount of my life is lived in reaction to fear.

“It is such a waste. How much have I missed?” Just after a moment of despair, I experienced the pain of a life lived sloppily and lazily. While I have done much examination of self, I clearly saw how still, after all these years, and after all the weekend events and daily meditation, and all the talk and writing and engaging, a still significant segment of my life is dictated by fear. Instead of recognizing the fear, and taking action in spite of the fear, I turned and took the easier, more comfortable and predictable path. I particularly saw this in my work choices and pursuits. Had I died, I would have known I could have done so much more with my gifts.

Two: My work does not have to be my passion.

Piggy backing on number one above, I have spent so much time pursuing my passion, that I have taken my eyes off the prize. The prize is time and money to spend when I have time to do the things I want to do. Rather than passionate work, I need work that fully engages me, keeps me interested, has value, and very importantly and in my case, until now undervalued, it pays me well for my time. I am not going to be Bruce Springsteen no matter how much I love guitar, great lyrics and rock n roll. But I bet I could have been a great agent. I don’t have a passion to be an agent, but I would have been fully engaged, used my gifts, and been handsomely compensated. The bottom line for me is this: it is time to get to work and generate significant revenue and then spend the money with the people I love, eat the food I want to eat, and see the places I want to see. It is time to stop dicking around.

Three: If I had one last month on the planet, what would I want?

This one surprised me. I would have thought I would want to be with my family, or my children, but that is not what I felt in that moment. Yes, of course, I would want to say good bye to my loved ones and my friends and give them a chance to say their good byes, but once that was complete, I would get on a plane, pick up my favorite travel partner, and go to my chosen destinations to see sights, eat great food, get massages, share laughter and intimacy, drink a bit, and thoroughly relish the most wonderful parts of a life well lived. I would then die happy.

Four: Life is short and I truly don’t know when it will end.

It seems like this would go without saying, but each time I dance with death, I get to a deeper understanding of this truth. Nothing is secure. We are all specks on a rock hurtling through space. At any moment, it can end. At some moment, it will all end. Every relationship, every activity, every love, every moment will cease to exist. We don’t know. I don’t know. Security is an illusion, and security mutes my desire to be fully alive. The message to me is this: Grab life by the tail and don’t let go until I have to.

Five: Regretting anything from my past is an insult and a slap in the face of life.

How much time have I wasted thinking about how I wished my life turned out this way, or that way? “Why did I pass on the job? Why didn’t I fight harder for that woman? Why, why, why?” What a freaken waste of time! This hit me hard in those savage moments of pain and suffering. I realized my life is what it is. I am here because of everything that came before me. My judgments are plainly irrelevant in the face of the facts. I am here now. So be it.

I am not out of the woods. However, I am on the road to recovery. As I put it to my guy friends, I am now peeing like a Viking. The first time I peed after the surgery, I felt like I was holding onto a fire hose. I haven’t peed like this since I was a young boy. I may need one more procedure to repair my distended bladder, injured during my traumatic 48 hours in Thailand. But I am confident all will be well. My energy is returning. Here, today, I am writing for the first time in several months. I am at a crossroads with choices to make, and it feels good. I have and continue to experience a transformation. My life will never be the same, and I am excited to take action on what I learned. The pain of the lessons has made an indelible impression. Let’s see who I am now.

 

The article originally appeared on the Good Men Project Website.